Karen Alpert learned an invaluable lesson on Sunday, January 22. “I took my family with me to Target,” the Baby Sideburns blogger began in a post to her more than 300,000 Facebook followers. “Taking your family to Target with you is basically the perfect way to destroy that awesome inside fuzzy feeling you get when you walk past those big red glorious cement balls.”
Things went downhill as soon as the Chicago-based mom entered the retail chain with husband Greg and their daughter, Zoey, 7, and son, Holden, 4. “Both kids fought over which one of them would get to ride in the cart. I’m like uhhh, neither of you because you are way too big and even though we’re just for here for toothpaste, I’m going to fill this cart as high as it goes with tons of other s--t,” Alpert wrote. “So both kids decided to hop on the sides of the cart and ride it around the store because God forbid they actually walk and get some exercise.”
Meanwhile, Greg disappeared to go get 7 Up, leaving his wife with the “douchenuggets” for what felt like 16 hours. His punishment: “I made my hubby check us out at self-checkout,” Alpert revealed. “I’d like to apologize to everyone who was standing behind us in line because holy crap, watching him scan and bag the items was one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever watched. He’d scan a box. No beep. He’d try again. No beep. For the love of God, turn the item over and look for the UPC symbol!!!!”
Then, a near disaster. “Just as he was about to scan his credit card, I realized what was about to happen and was like NOOOOOOOOOOO and dove in slow motion and batted his credit card out of the machine,” wrote Alpert. “Dear God, what are you thinking?!! We get 5% off with my Red Card!!! You NEVER use a regular credit card at Target.”
Alpert signed off with an important message — one that moms all over need to hear. “The moral of this story: Always lie and tell your hubby you have a doctor’s appointment so he’ll watch the kids while you go to Target ALONE.”
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