Michelle Williams will never recover from losing her daughter’s father, Heath Ledger, in 2008. She opened up about life as single mom in the new issue of Porter magazine, out December 2.

“In all honesty, for pretty much everything else, I feel like I’m a believer in not fighting circumstances, accepting where you are and where you’ve been. In pretty much all senses but one. I would be able to go totally down that line of thinking were it not for Matilda not having her dad,” the Manchester by the Sea actress shared in the interview.“You know, that’s just something that doesn’t … I mean, it just won’t ever be right.” 

Helping Williams to cope: other single parents. “I know a handful of women in similar positions [to me], it’s kind of like a club. It’s a s- -tty club and we don’t want any new members … and all the current members are exhausted,” she revealed. “But man, oh man, it’s lifesaving to have [them].”

Williams, 36, began a three-year relationship with Ledger after they costarred in the 2005 drama Brokeback Mountain. The couple welcomed Matilda in October 2005. The actor died of an accidental drug overdose at the age of 28, a year after their amicable split.

Currently single, the mom of Matilda, 11, admitted that dating has been a learning process. “This is not what I imagined. I’m like a cat, I’m a very domestic creature,” she told Porter. “I just want to stay home and take care of people. But I’m also happy with myself and just because I might have a desire to be with someone … that won’t lead me to marry the wrong person.”

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