The Tuesday, Jan. 6, premiere of MTV’s The Challenge: Battle of the Exes 2 was bittersweet as fans watched the late Diem Brown and Ryan Knight compete on the show. 

No reference was made to the passing of the reality stars, but it made their airtime that much more heartbreaking. 

“If I won this money, it would be my fairy tale dream,” said Brown, who passed away from cancer at age 34 in November. “I know people are sick of me talking about cancer, trust me, I was sick of living with cancer. But it did change my life. They had to remove my ovaries, and if I’m going to have kids, I need a surrogate. I have to pay anywhere from $20,000 to $30,000 per kid so winning this prize, I could have four kids in the oven at the same time and get back on track and start my life.”

Brown’s longtime ex Chris “CT” Tamburello desperately wanted to help her win, saying, “After everything she’s been through, I really feel like Diem deserves to win. This is Diem’s game. However she wants to play it, and whatever she wants me to do, I just really want to help her win it.”

The former couple also did a behind-the-scenes video together talking about their relationship for the cameras. Watch the clip now.