Lady Gaga: "I Have Begun to Cherish My Loneliness"

Celebrity News May. 4, 2012 AT 9:00AM
Lady Gaga attends the 39th International Emmy Awards in New York on November 21, 2011. Lady Gaga attends the 39th International Emmy Awards in New York on November 21, 2011. Credit: Rex USA

Lady Gaga is an independent woman, for better or worse.

On Lifetime's The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet Thursday, the 26-year-old pop star revealed she has "begun to cherish my loneliness. I have, sort of, since I was around 20 years old."

In the interview -- taped before her split with The Vampire Diaries' Taylor Kinney, 30 -- Gaga (real name: Stefani Germanotta) admitted she was "very depressed when I was 19. I decided to pursue music, so I dropped out of school and I told my parents I didn't want any money from them. I got three jobs and I just hit the ground running."

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"I would go back to my apartment every day and I would just sit there. It was quiet and it was lonely. It was still. It was just my piano and myself. I had at television and I would leave it on all the time just to feel like somebody was hanging out with me," she continued. "And especially during the period when I was doing cocaine. It was like the drug was my friend. I never did it with other people. It's such a terrible way to fill that void, because it just adds to that void, because it's not real."

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Though she continued to use drugs for some time, the "Marry the Night" singer eventually had an epiphany: "I sort of f-cking woke up one day and was like, 'You're an asshole. You're not an artist. If you were a real f-cking artist, you'd be focused on your music. You wouldn't be spending your money on the white devil."

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Gaga added that there is a "romanticism around drugs" with aspiring artists, "when really, you're just a f-cking loser."

The Grammy winner soon kicked her drug habit "and I focused 150 percent of my energy on my happiness," she said. "'What do you want to do? What is it that you really want?'"

The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet airs Thursdays at 11 p.m. EST on Lifetime.

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