Nicole Scherzinger Opens Up About Bulimia Battle: "It's Embarrassing"
Nicole Scherzinger arrives at the X factor conference at Corinthia Hotel London on August 16, 2012 in London, England.
Credit: Ben Pruchnie/Getty Images
Nicole Scherzinger was suffering in silence during her seven years as the Pussycat Dolls' lead singer.
In her VH1 Behind the Music special (airing October 7), the 34-year-old singer opens up for the first time about her struggle with bulimia.
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"It's embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know," Scherzinger says. "I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It's like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I'd come back to my room and I'd be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction."
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Scherzinger -- who released her debut solo album, Killer Love, in 2011 -- says she "did it everyday for, like, years. Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I'd try to hide those. I think the girls could tell."
The Hawaiian-born, Kentucky-raised musician joined the Pussycat Dolls in 2003 following the success of the burlesque troupe of the same name.
Credit: Ray Tamarra/Getty Images
During her revealing chat, Scherzinger also estimates she "probably did 95 percent" of the singing "on my own" for the girl group's 2005 debut album, PCD. "I hope I don't get in trouble for the stuff that I say," Scherzinger says, "but I'll never forget I finished the album, PCD, and [executive producer Ron Fair] and I brought the girls into the studio and we played it for them. It was the first time they'd ever heard the music."
VIDEO: Nicole Scherzinger takes credit for singing "95 percent" of the Pussycat Dolls' songs
Despite the hardships she sometimes faced, Scherzinger -- who first found fame as a member of the made-for-TV band Eden's Crush -- says ex-bandmates Melody Thornton, 28, Ashley Roberts, 31, Kimberly Wyatt, 30, Jessica Sutta, 30, and Carmit Bachar, 38, are "like my sisters."
Scherzinger's Behind the Music airs Sunday, October 7, at 9 p.m. EST on VH1.
