Exclusive: SYTYCD's Mary Murphy Reveals Shocking Story of Abuse
In the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now), So You Think You Can Dance judge Mary Murphy opens up for the first time ever about surviving a nine-year abusive relationship, during which she was repeatedly raped and beaten and suffered a miscarriage.
She tells Us Weekly her ex-husband - whose name is being withheld but who says Murphy's claims are "flat-out lies" - raped her for the first time three months after they wed.
"We'd had another jealous fight, screaming, crashing over furniture, and he said, 'I want to have sex,'" Murphy, 51, tells Us Weekly. "I was like, 'Are you kidding me?! We're fighting here!' He said, 'You're my wife, and you'll do what I tell you!' I pulled out a kitchen knife and screamed, 'You're going to have to stab me, because I'm not having sex with you!' He knocked it out of my hands, held me down and raped me."
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Soon, she says, a pattern developed: "A fight, then rape, then presents: a dress, a diamond bracelet, earrings. In the first year or two, I'd fight back, but eventually, I'd just lie there. Get it over with, I thought. It'll be quick anyway."
For years, "I'd have black eyes and bruises," she tells Us Weekly. "But I never called the police or went to the hospital. I didn't want anybody to know."
She says she got pregnant around 1982. "But in my fourth month, I miscarried," she tells Us Weekly. "My husband was disgusted, saying I murdered our baby, because I'd done some light dancing the night before. I was sinking deeper and deeper at that point, just reeling into despair."
In 1985, she learned her husband - who was from a wealthy, prominent family in the Middle East - had proposed to another woman during one of his Middle East trips.
The news made her feel as if "I'd been hit by a sledgehammer," and after discovering that he had another girlfriend in Germany, she says she was "motivated" to finally leave him.
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Murphy, who was teaching dance, eventually saved up enough money to leave and drove to San Diego, where she called her husband to ask for a divorce.
Says Murphy, "I faced him one more time to sign the papers, and then I never heard from him again."
For more on her remarkable story - including how she feared her husband would "kill" her, how dancing helped her become a "strong woman" and how she learned to believe in love again - pick up the new Us Weekly today!
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32I MISSED MARY SHE BRINGS HAPPINESS TO THE SHOW!!! BRING HER BACK, MIA IS GOOD CHOREOGRAPHER BUT AS A JUDGE SHE DOES NOT CUT IT
Way to Go, Mary Murphy and thanks for sharing the abusive experience. It doesn't matter what financial and social status you belong to, no one is immune to the wraths of domestic violence. Majority of women will not speak out or against their abusive spouses or partners for fear of retaliation and being so verbally, psychologically abused, you tend to beleive no one will believe you, you're not good enough. What I am finding now, although being out of an abusive relationship for a long while now and finally able to speak up against wrongs, I am suffering post traumatic stress disorder, as most abused persons will experience. There are many wonderful agencies helpful in getting women and children out of abusive relationships, but none to deal with the aftermath, the living experiences that this survivor is facing. Thank you Mary Murphy and good luck to you always.
I am a survivor of Spousal Rape and other abuse as Mary Murphy. April is Sexual Assault awareness month and I am a chapter leader of the California Protective Parents Association who are a group of mostly women who are survivors of Domestic Violence but have had our children taken from us and given to our Abusers. I was just on Dr. Phil April 14th and the local news and We along with the Center for Judicial Excellence are bringing the Presentation "Family Court Crisis: Our Children at Risk" up to Redding on May 19th. OUR DISTRICT ATTORNEY HAS LET MY HUSBAND WALK ON AN ASSAULT AND BATTERY CHARGE AND WILL NOT PROSECUTE HIM ON SPOUSAL RAPE EVEN THOUGH HE HAS ADMITTED TO IT UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY AND BY LETTER IN HIS OWN WORDS!. California Gov. changed the laws on Spousal rape in 2008 that removes the statute and doesnt require a rape test eval from the hosp. It spells out the diff. from a stranger rape and is specific in the facts needed to report and have trial against your abuser. Can she help? Do you know how to contact her or someone that can help myself and other women who are being chastized becasue they either believe it is our duty, or bec we have children we were consenting, etc... Thank you
That's just horrible...I mean, I never would have thought! The other day, I saw her on the Ellen Degeneres show after doubting the article. And she does actually open up, cry and tell the truth. She was abused, and I always thought she was so annoying and now I feel so bad...
For those who say that 100% Christian people don't abuse their wives etc., I've seen the cycle of abuse first hand, and he was WHITE AND CHRISTIAN.... an abuser is an abuser, get your head out of your a** and recognize that it has nothing to do with religion or culture.
It is amazing that the only thing anyone got out of this story is that her ex was from the Middle East. I don't think that was the point of the story. Congratulations on being completely ignorant as usual. Abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated no matter who the man is. My husband is Lebanese and guess what? Shocker! he does NOT beat me. We can do better people
So thats why she is crazy...
While agree with Mark that people should not bash Muslims for this story just because the guy is Middle Eastern, I disagree that he is 100% Christian. If he were he would not have abused his wife. Non-Muslin does not equal Christian. Many people may adopt the term Christian because they fit no where else in any organized religion and believe in God. True Christians are disciples of Christ, who taught to love one another not abuse others. This man's ethnicity has nothing to do with the story except that he is in fact from the Middle East. Abusers come from any and all walks of life. It's a mind-set of an individual sometimes influenced by culture and society but certainly that is not the only or most heavy influence. Usually it is learned by seeing it happen at home no matter what country you live in. The focus on the story should be that she survived and now thrives dispite the horror she went through.
To all the posters here who are bashing Islam and Muslims for this story. Did you not notice the Christian wedding attire on both the bride and the groom in the wedding photo on the cover? Sorry Christians, even if this guy was from the middle east he's 100% Christian. Muslim wedding attire is COMPLETELY different. This is just like that time the entire nation was blaming the Muslims for the Anthrax attacks. It turns out it was a WHITE CHRISTIAN GUY named Bruce Edwards Ivins. A scientist who worked at the government's biodefense labs at Fort Detrick in Frederick, Maryland.
It's ignorant to call out a culture as if they are all abusers. It doesn't matter where you are from- abuse can be in ever race/religion/culture. I also don't think that ANYONE can judge her since we haven't been through the same thing. I don't know what it is like to live in fear but I'm sure it is not easy and although leaving seems like the obvious solution, I think you are pretty brained washed or warped at that time to think rationally. She loved this man, yet he was beating her. I commend her for changing her life, following something she loves, AND for speaking out on a subject that doesn't get brought up much but obviously happens. She always seems so happy on the show which is all the more reason that proves you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. It took her courage to share it. Anyone who is commenting on her or how she looks needs to grow up. She is a brave woman and no matter age/looks she should only be lifted up. She's gone through enough!
Are you kidding me? "they tend to treat their women like property over there...: That's everywhere. That's why there are shelters for battered women her in America. Please don't make yourself sound ignorant. And I know this because my husband is Muslim raised in another country and one of the kindest souls you could ever meet. We've been happily married for years without any abuse, thanks very much. Your ignorance disgusts me.
The abuse she went through is horrible, however I don't see the connection to Middle East or Islam that people are making here. Most American women are abused by American men, not Middle Easterners.
She should've left and pressed charges right from the start.
such ignorance about middle east culture and Islam!! like western and American culture doesn't produce wife beaters and killers, do you even follow the news in your country?? and to the person whose middle eastern boyfriend wanted her to meet his family: beleive me if the guy was the of the type to have sexual relationship with you without marriage, then his family wouldn't even bat an eye at that.
I had a simular experience many years ago. I got out then found out I was pregnant. I was so afraid of him finding me that I gave the baby up to protect her. He never knew about the baby. He has since died of cancer. I danced!
the abuse shouldve been the motivating factor to leave not another women.
I hate Marys scream, but I like her. I am glad she is a survivor, and made a success of herself. She is very talented and knows her stuff.
She looks pretty good for her age, no matter how she got there. Stop being so catty. I applaude her for standing up for herself. Way to go Mary......
I had a Middle Eastern boyfriend...he tried to get me to go to his country to meet his Mother...I said no.... I knew as soon as I got off the plane in his country...they would stone me....Because I have Low tolerance for "Male Dominant....I do not walk behind a man...I will voice my opinion and if you hit me....some way I'm going to hit BACK...so the ideal of me going to meet his Mother and getting stuck over there was not going to happened.... My son's father is from anther country and I did not put his name on the Birth certificate...fearing he would take my son to his country and I'l never see him...I have the papers he signed saying he is the father...but I never turned it in......
that story is horrible. poor mary! the generalizations of middle eastern culture, however, are laughable. there are many different cultures and religions in the middle east. And if you were talking about Islam, yes, there are in fact divorces allowed in the religion.