The world according to Chad! The Bachelorette season 12 villain Chad Johnson may have a lot to learn when it comes to impressing JoJo Fletcher, or making friends, or deciding whether to punch a metal door. But the lunchmeat enthusiast is definitely the master of the wacky one-liner.
In honor of the 28-year-old luxury real estate agent’s quick Tuesday, August 2, exit from Bachelor in Paradise season 3 for a litany of offenses, we’ve selected our 10 favorite Chad-isms from his brief Bachelorette run. Perhaps we should all pour a glass of milk in his honor.
1. This is not the kind of toast that the other suitors wanted him to make.
Chad [to the other guys in the mansion before the first group date]: “To a beautiful girl, a beautiful life; f–k you guys, I’m gonna make her my wife.”
2. Maybe Jordan isn’t as likable as JoJo’s mom thinks.
Chad [during the ESPN group date]: “Best thing about Jordan is his brother [Aaron Rodgers]. You know what the worst thing about Jordan is? He’s not his brother.”
3. But why would any kind of shake have a chance with her?
Chad [to Daniel, by the pool]: “If you’re making a protein shake made of the group of dudes here, and, you know, blended it up … half that dude-protein shake would have zero chance with JoJo.”
4. Not a fan of role-playing.
Chad [after Daniel says to pretend he’s Hitler]: “Let’s not pretend I’m Hitler.”
5. We don’t think anyone knows what you mean, Chad.
Chad [during the two-on-one date]: “Life ain’t all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?”
6. The other guys were probably hoping he’d go into hibernation.
Chad [during tension in the mansion]: “In other words, it is not a wise decision to poke the Chad-bear.”
7. Nothing wrong with being skilled at sweeping.
Chad [after Evan got the date rose]: “No girl on planet Earth ever chooses Evan … for anything … other than to come, like, sweep their front yard.”
8. Good news for Alex?
Chad [during a rose ceremony]: “She’s gonna keep Alex around because she doesn’t want America to think she hates short people.”
9. We’d hate to work for the mansion’s pool-cleaning company on that day.
Chad [after Evan tattled on him to Chris Harrison]: “I’m going to cut everyone here’s legs off and arms off, and there’s gonna be torsos, and then I’m going to throw them in the pool.”
10. It does a body good.
Chad [after Alex said he doesn’t drink milk]: “Well, you should. Milk’s delicious.”
Tell Us: Which Chad quote was your favorite?
