Ever wonder what’s hiding under those veiled fascinators? Get a look into the scandalous lives of Britain’s (fictional) elite in E!’s first scripted series, The Royals. The deliciously trashy and salaciously sexy new monarchy-inspired drama, led by Queen Elizabeth Hurley, comes with a web of backstabbing, pill-popping, and knickers-dropping Brits that are perfect to watch over tea and biscuits.
To help keep your dukes and duchesses in order ahead of the Sunday, March 15 premiere, Us Weekly has crafted a Royal Family Tree to help you keep track of your favorites and those you’d rather exile. But take heed, Royal loyals! You never know when the Queen will declare, “Off with his head!”
Queen Helena (Elizabeth Hurley)
Combine Beyonce’s swagger and Anna Wintour’s ability to throw shade without batting an eyelash, and you get this frosty British leader. Nothing affects her steely demeanor — not her daughter’s drug problem, her son’s romances, or even her eldest son’s death. Though she rules with an iron fist, something tells us she’s got a heart in there somewhere. Okay, maybe not.
King Simon (Vincent Regan)
As the moral compass to the show, it’s doubtful King Simon will stick around for long. His soft heart and desire to abolish the monarchy are warning signs we shouldn’t get too attached. He is the Ned Stark of The Royals, or, if you prefer Disney references, he is the Mufasa of the Pride Lands (and there are quite a few wildebeests lining up to trample him).
Cyrus (Jake Maskall)
If King Simon is Mufasa, then his brother, Cyrus, is obviously Scar. At one point the jealous sibling fires a rifle near his ruler brother’s head, sneers, and says “Long live the king.” Dear E!, your parallels are getting a little too clear, please do not send the royal offspring to an elephant graveyard.
Princess Eleanor (Alexandra Park)
This Lohan-esque beauty is a pill junkie will a heart of gold and her private parts in the papers. Eleanor, or “Len,” is likely to become a fan favorite not just for her leggy looks, but also for her no f–ks attitude and sincere relationship with her father. Now here’s a Daddy’s Girl that doesn’t make us want to puke.
Prince Liam (William Moseley)
With about as much depth as Nate Archibald, Prince Liam — now the next in line to the throne — is the pretty boy who always puts his heart first. It helps that he has a royal six pack and luscious One Direction hair. He sparks up a romance with Ophelia, a commoner, but she’s not quite the Kate Middleton match his mother was hoping for.
Ophelia (Merritt Patterson)
Hopefully this pretty girl’s name is not indicative of her future on The Royals. But to say that Ophelia will go mad just like in Shakespeare’s play would be to indicate that bright but vacant Liam has the complexity of Hamlet, so maybe not. This American is the daughter of the British head of security for the royal family. Her mum was killed thanks to some mysterious mixup that will likely pit her against the queen, and she likes dirty chai lattes with soy instead of tea. Basically, she’s a Brit’s nightmare.
Princess Penelope (Lydia Rose Bewley) and Princess Maribel (Hatty Preston)
These Princess Beatrice and Eugenie knock-offs like to rock all the latest Betsey Johnson formal wear and live off their family’s lavish lifestyle. The redheaded daughters of Cyrus are delightfully daft and dim-witted and follow Eleanor around like a pair of poorly dressed Corgis.
The Royals series premiere airs Sunday, March 15 at 10 p.m. ET on E!
