Lisa said "I don't" to Schwartz and Katie! On the Monday, March 6, episode of Vanderpump Rules, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney asked Lisa Vanderpump to officiate their wedding. But after hearing about Schwartz and Katie’s disastrous joint bachelor party, the Sur boss had no choice but to turn them down.
Back to Reality
The Sur crew finally returned to their posts after a tumultuous trip to New Orleans. Lisa waltzed into the restaurant and spotted Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval behind the bar. She immediately wanted to know how the bachelor-bachelorette party went, and Jax gave Lisa the full recap — right down to every last fight.
Across the restaurant, Ariana Madix and Scheana Shay expressed their disappointment about the loveless trip. “So crazy to me that they fought so much,” Scheana remarked. “I mean, I just can’t imagine if Shay and I were fighting this much two weeks before the wedding.”
Lisa was devastated to hear that Schwartz and Katie fought the entire trip. Although she was anxious about the couple’s future, she decided to temporarily push her worries aside and focus her energy on planning the annual Sur photo shoot. ("The theme of the photo shoot this year is ‘Indulgence,’” Lisa excitedly announced.)
But like a concerned mother, she could only avoid the topic for so long. Lisa initially pulled Katie aside to discuss photo shoot details, but the restaurateur brought up the bachelor party instead. “What on earth have I heard?” Lisa demanded. “That all you did at your bachelorette party is fight with Schwartzie?”
“No,” Katie corrected her. “All Schwartz did at the bachelorette party was argue with people.” But Lisa had her doubts. “This seems to be something more than pre-wedding jitters,” she noted. “If they can’t even get along when they’re on vacation, what hope do they have for the future?”
Stassi Starts Dating
Ready to distance herself from her failed relationships, Stassi Schroeder finally decided to join the world of online dating. “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Stassi sighed. Nervous about her new app adventures, she met up with Kristen Doute for goat cheese salads and an afternoon of swiping right.
Stassi expressed hesitation about using dating apps to find a man, but Kristen wasn’t here for Stassi’s negativity. “Don’t knock online dating until you try it,” Kristen insisted. “I mean, I met the love of my life on a dating app! Be a little more open-minded, bitch.” She decided to help “coach” Stassi through the daunting task of creating her dating profile.
"'Write a little about yourself,'" Stassi said, reading the instructions aloud. “Brunch, dogs, wine, ranch,” Kristen rattled off.
Stassi scoffed at Kristen’s list of suggestions. “Why don’t I just write ‘basic bitch’ then?” she quipped. But Kristen reminded her skeptical friend, “It’s who you are.”
Although she was still apprehensive about dating apps, Stassi agreed to go on a few outings. After a successful first date that ended with a steamy makeout session, Stassi was more than willing to go on even — including a blind date!
Before her big dinner date, Stassi decided to stop by Kristen’s to get ready. But after Kristen gave her some (rather questionable) dating advice, Stassi found herself stammering through the date. As they sipped on white wine, the pair casually chatted about their work lives. To Stassi’s horror, her date mentioned he woke up at 7 a.m. every morning. “Do you know how important sleeping is?” Stassi gasped. “I’m, like, convinced that’s why I’m pretty.” Her date followed up her conceited statement by flatly asking, "How long have you been single?” Womp, womp.
A Wedding Wakeup Call
Unaware that Lisa had heard about their explosive fights in New Orleans, Schwartz and Katie hired a messenger to stop by the Vanderpump home to formally ask Lisa if she would officiate their wedding. The giddy couple anxiously waited for Lisa’s answer, but their excitement quickly faded when Lisa declined.
“Not now,” Lisa told them gently. “I want to know you’re really committed to each other.”
Katie immediately burst into tears. “I’m just disappointed in myself and us,” she sobbed. A deflated Schwartz admitted they had gotten “a little sloppy along the way,” which caused Lisa to shed a few tears of her own.
Lisa’s blunt refusal forced the pair to face reality. From that moment, Schwartz and Katie vowed to work on their fighting. But in the meantime, they had to start thinking about who else could possibly officiate their wedding. “I can’t have Jax ordain my f--king wedding,” Schwartz groaned. “I love Jax so much, but come on. Having him officiate our wedding is like having Lucifer baptize you, you know? It’s just not right.”
The thought of Jax officiating their wedding was enough to make Schwartz and Katie get their act together. They were finally back to their old, loving selves — and Lisa took notice. She told the couple after a successful (and incredibly sexy) Sur photo shoot that she'd had a change of heart.
“Yes, Schwartz and Katie. I am happy and honored now to officiate your wedding,” Lisa beamed.
Tell Us: Was Lisa right to be so skeptical about officiating the wedding?
Vanderpump Rules airs on Bravo Mondays at 9 p.m. ET.
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