Landov

CelebNews@Usmagazine.com! - To Catch a Dog Molester: Natasha Lyonne Turns Herself In

This is actually one of those stories that just gives us too much to work with, so we’re just going to tell it like it is. But first, when deciding which voice in your head to use while reading this post, we recommend the downwardly pitched, gravely serious tone of newscaster Brian Williams. Here goes:

American Pie actress Natasha Lyonne, 27, who was accused of threatening to sexually molest a dog, turned herself in at a New York court Friday, CNN reports.

The star of Scary Movie 2 was issued a bench warrant last January for not showing up for four hearings about a complaint from a neighbor who'd accused her of rushing into her apartment in 2004, picking up her dog, and telling the woman, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog."

At the Manhattan Criminal Court appearance, a drug counselor testified that Lyonne had completed an in-patient drug program in February and continued to attend outpatient rehabilitation groups.

Judge Anthony Ferrara said the charges would be dropped if the actress stayed out of trouble for the next six months.

Dog molestation charges! Oh, to be a fly on the wall for one of those rehabilitation meetings (“But you should’ve see this dog, man, it was really something. If you’d seen it, you’d totally understand…”) It’s almost enough to make us stay in and watch the news tonight just to see all the anchors trying to keep straight faces. Almost.

Us Poll: Juiciest Feud