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Michelle Williams on Losing Heath Ledger: "It Just Gets Worse"
Monday November 24, 2008

Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger
Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams at the Pre-BAFTA Awards Party: The London Party on February 18, 2006.
Tim Whitby/WireImage.com

It's been nearly a year since Heath Ledger died at age 28 of a prescription drug overdose, and his ex, Michelle Williams, is still struggling to put the pieces together.

"It's so sad," she tells Newsweek when asked about Ledger, the father of her daughter, Matilda, 3.

Asked how she's been doing in the past year, she pauses for a very long time before saying, "I guess it's always changing.

"What else can I say?" she says after another pause. "I just wake up each day in a slightly different place -- grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing.'

Look back at unforgettable photos of Heath Ledger.

"It's a strange thing to say," she goes on, "because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse. That's what I would say."

Williams -- who releases the indie drama Wendy & Lucy on Dec. 10 -- credits acting with saving "my life over and over again. It's given me a sense of self-esteem, self-worth. I have this thing that I'm in love with -- acting -- and now it has this baggage."

But she says she plans to take the year off the spend time with her daughter.

See touching photos of Heath Ledger and daughter Matilda.

She says she is fiercely protective of her girl. She recalls how she once found a tick on her daughter and almost called 911.

"I don't want to work while she's in school," Williams says of Matilda. "I want her to have a routine. I want the plainest, simplest, most ordinary, habituated routine possible. I just want to know what's coming next."

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