celeberties think they have the right to name their kids out-there (or stupid) names. Also, its obvious they just want attenion.
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What to do When Mommy and Daddy Call You Bad Names
Monday April 16, 2007
![]() Bauer-Griffin.com Wire hangers are so 1978; today's celebrities prefer to abuse their offspring with birth certificates. Tallulah Willis, the 13-year-old spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, is changing her name to Lula, because, as Bruce told David Letterman last week, "She doesn't like her name." No kidding. One look around the celebrity playground, and it's not hard to imagine other progeny shedding their ridiculous monikers in the interest of, oh, dignity. Apple, Moses, Moxie CrimeFighter, Pilot Inspektor, Kal-el, Phinnaeus, Thijs? Yeah, we're sorry kids. Seems as though your parents wanted puppies but got children instead. When they're old enough, we're guessing these kids will follow Tallulah – sorry, Lula's – footsteps and change their names. Here are some suggestions. · Apple: Since her brother's name is Moses, we figure the 3-year old daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay's Chris Martin should stick with something complementary. Like Pharaoh. · Moxie CrimeFighter: It really doesn't matter what the nearly 1-year-old daughter of magician Penn Jillette and wife, Emily, eventually changes her name to – we're guessing that spending a childhood trying to avoid having to say her name aloud will render her as mute as daddy's BFF Teller. · Pilot Inspektor: This one's kinda a no-brainer. The 3-year-old son of actor Jason Lee should just march into the living room sometime in 2021 and say, "Dad, my name is Earl." · Kal-el: Kal-el was the Kryptonian birth name of Superman. So the obvious way to piss off dad Nic Cage would be to change your name to Lex Luther. But since that would be ridiculous, too, we suggest just Luther. Or he could get meta and name himself after his dad's ex-wife's ex-husband: Michael Jackson Cage has a nice ring to it. · Phinnaeus: Not only did momma Julia Roberts saddle you with an uncommon name, she even gave you an uncommon spelling. "Phineas" is the way the name normally appears – and by normally, we mean in biographies of P.T. Barnum, who had the good sense to use an initial instead of the name. Since he's going to be called this his whole life, anyway, he might as well capitulate and change his name to "Penis." Either that or Phil. · Johnnie Rose: The daughter of Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels was named after Etheridge's late father. Most likely she'll call herself Rose. Or if she's obnoxious, self-centered and on The View, Rosie. · Thijs: Daddy Matt Lauer stuck to his roots and gave his four-month-old son a common Dutch name. Know what else is a common Dutch name? Michel. Thijs could even go wild and add an "A," making it Michael. Then he could hook up with Nic Cage's kid and start a band called "The Angry Michaels." Talk to Usmagazine.com: What names do you think these kids should adopt? Join Us on Facebook and Twitter for even more up to the minute celebrity news and photos! |