Dad’s Hilarious Texts to Wife After Kid Pukes in Car Go Viral

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All hell broke loose when a dad named Ben Patterson was tasked with toweling off a carsick toddler while his wife, Stephanie, was out with friends. “On the way home, projectile vomit occurred …” the California-based entrepreneur wrote in a May 13 Facebook post that features three screen grabs of his hilarious and (one-sided!) text conversation with Stephanie. 

The exchange began with a photo of Patterson's son Declan slumped sadly in his car seat, covered in puke. “I’M STANDING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD DRY HEAVING, I can’t even be in the car it’s so awful. I seriously don’t know what to do, I’m barfing every time I try to clean him up,” Patterson wrote. “I’m puking on some lady’s lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask me if I’m drunk while driving the kids. I’m trying to explain that I’m a sympathetic vomiter and can’t handle the smell.”

But the concerned woman doesn’t buy his story. “Aaand now the cops showed up,” Patterson informed a still-silent Stephanie. “Aaaaand now a breathalyzer. YOU OWE ME SO BIG.” 

The graphic updates kept coming. “Meanwhile Declan continues to barf,” the frantic father typed. “WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER.”

“ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!” he pleaded.

Despite Patterson’s dramatic cries for help, Stephanie never responded. (Clearly she put her phone on silent so she could enjoy an evening out with her pals!)

Patterson’s epic post has been shared nearly 150,000 times.

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