"Now, there's something he posted," DeGeneres, 57, began. "It's my duty, I'm your friend, but it's my duty as a talk show host to ask you the question if you're married because he posted this so it means something… It says 'The Kutchers' so it sounds like you're married."
When Kunis hesitated and kept silent, DeGeneres boldly said, "I'm gonna say yes."
"I don't know, I don't know," Kunis, 31, responded. "We could just be a plural. My daughter has his last name legally. So thus, there's multiple Kutchers. He has a brother."
While the Jupiter Ascending actress stayed mum on her marital status, she was more than happy to dish about her new life as a parent with Kutcher and their baby girl Wyatt Isabelle.
"She's a really good baby," Kunis spilled of the not-so-tiny tot, whom she welcomed on Oct. 1. "She was 9.5 pounds when she was born. Because she was so big, she was like a hearty little thing — we skipped the newborn stage. She was a good hearty eater so she slept well. [Newborn clothes] never fit. Newborn never happened. Newborn diapers never happened. And newborn clothes never happened. 0-3. She's 4 months old and wears 6-month clothing. Six to nine. She's a big girl, y'all."
As Wyatt quickly grows, Kutcher and Kunis are taking a rare route for couples of their income and celebrity and raising the little girl without help from multiple nannies and nurses.
"When I go back to work full time and have to have 17-hour work days, I'm gonna need somebody to come and help me because I can't do both," Kunis explained. "But because I'm in a very specific place in my life where I could take time off, I did. I don't think that everybody has that privilege. I think that people nowadays have to go back to work right away and I didn't, so I took advantage of it."
"I love the fact that the first three months she and I were up every night," the new mother added. "I figured her out and she figured me out and she now sleeps in her own crib in her own room and I will never have that time again. So for me it was a really nice three months."
Kunis told DeGeneres that she and Kutcher make a great parenting team. The That '70s Show alum, who became engaged to her former costar Kutcher in February 2014, said that the new parents pick up different tasks to help one another out.
"He is an amazing dad," she said of the Jobs star. "I wouldn't have done this by myself. He is 100 percent present. I am breastfeeding so I provide the food for the baby, so his whole thing is changing diapers. He'll never be able to feed her in the early stages — now he can because she's partially bottle-fed — but the second she was born, he changed the first diaper… If he's home, he changes the diaper. He became a master swaddler. He can swaddle anyone's baby. Like if you're baby needs to be swaddled he will do it."
After figuring her daughter out and creating a system for her care, Kunis said she will stand by the little girl no matter what.
"You think you know love, and I know people say this all the time, but the truest meaning of unconditional love is my child," the star explained. "I thought I loved Ashton, I thought I loved my parents, my dogs. I was like, 'I know love.' It's such a different aspect of it. It's not like it's greater or lesser. It's just in a whole other field. If she murdered somebody in cold blood I would love her. I would be like, 'That's okay.' But it's true! It's so weird, but when she was born I was like, 'This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened.'"
Watch Kunis talk Kutcher and Wyatt in the video above!
Sign up now for the Us Weekly newsletter to get breaking celebrity news, hot pics and more delivered straight to your inbox!