A true pop punk survivor. Halsey revealed in a new interview with Rolling Stone that she suffered a miscarriage last year and performed at a show in Chicago just hours later.
The 21-year-old hitmaker explained that she got pregnant during her 2015 Badlands tour, but the stress of traveling and overworking her body likely led to her losing her pregnancy.
“I’m like, ‘I have to cancel this show!’” she said of the traumatic experience. “And everyone’s kind of like, ‘Well, it’s Vevo LIFT, and it’s 3 million impressions, so …’ No one knew what do to.”
The “Ghost” singer eventually sent her assistant out to buy adult diapers, downed two Percocet and then hit the stage to deliver a performance to an arena full of fans.
“It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” she said. “That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, ‘I don’t feel like a f–king human being anymore.’ This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I’m doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just start throwing up.”
The New Jersey native, who has been open in the past about her struggles with being bipolar, bisexual and biracial, added that she “beat [herself] up for [the miscarriage],” because she recognized that it was her go-go-go lifestyle that may have contributed to the loss.
“I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs,” she said. “I was f–king overworked — in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the f–k down.”
The tough-as-nails singer also said that the experience effected her deeply because “I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star. More than I want to be anything in the world.”