As fans mourn the heartbreaking death of Joan Rivers, who died on Sept. 4 at the age of 81, we take a pause to laugh out loud — and gasp, in some cases — at the hilarious one-liners and zingers that made the comedienne famous and even feared by Hollywood’s biggest stars.
“You’re pretty, and you’re talented. But you’re also very lucky. And also, if you go away tomorrow, nobody will notice.”
PHOTOS: Joan vs Gwyneth, more celeb feuds
“Someone needs to sit him down and say, ‘You are not a big black thug. You are just like your shoes: ordinary and completely white.'”
“I am praying, [because] I like Kim, that this relationship lasts for her sake, because she is running out of black men. You do know she thinks Kanye is the one, don’t you? Which is why she waited on the second night to [expletive] him.”
North West
“That baby is ugly…I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of waxing.”
“Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy’s wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it.”
Elizabeth Taylor
“Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.”
“At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”
Rihanna‘s Armani Gown at the 2012 Grammys
“I love that black dress. That neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin‘s head into a bucket of fried chicken.”
“I think she’s brilliant. She took three girls that all they do is have sex — and these girls are known to have vaginas with food courts — and she’s turned them into major stars, money-making brands.”
“You looked better without your teeth in Les Mis.”
Katy Perry‘s Boho Look in 2012
“John wanted to sing ‘Your Body Is a Wonderland,’ but then she looked so horrible, he changed it to ‘Your Body Is Atlantic City After Super-Storm Sandy.”
“Jennifer has no distinct style. She didn’t even stay brunette. Just like Heidi Klum — going dark wasn’t for her.”
Kristen Stewart‘s Erdem Dress at On the Road Premiere in N.Y.C. in 2012
“So unbecoming. The last time Kristen showed this much skin, she was spread eagle in the back of a Volvo.”
Tina Fey‘s Zac Posen dress at the 2010 Golden Globes
“I hope she was going for laughs, because she got them. She looked like a decorative toilet seat cover.”
Jessica Biel‘s Versace Dress at the Playing for Keeps Premiere in NYC IN 2012
“I don’t want to say Jessica’s new movie, Playing for Keeps, is a flop, but there were more people at her wedding to Justin Timberlake than at the premiere. She’s one bomb away from ending up on a terrorist watch list.”
Sandra Bullock‘s Bottega Veneta Gown at the 2010 Golden Globes
“It looked like Prince’s old prom dress.”
“I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.”
Adam Lambert‘s Dolce & Gabbana Suit at the 2010 Grammys
“If Elvis and Elvira had a kid, this would be it. He looks like a gal Col. Sanders”
On Fashion
“Does fashion matter? Always — though not quite as much after death.”
