Fans of the Kardashian-Jenner family knew Kourtney Kardashian was over filming Keeping Up With the Kardashians in the final seasons, but the oldest sibling is shedding new light on why she struggled toward the end of the show’s run.
“Shooting our show, it became a really toxic environment at the end for me. I would fight with my sisters. There was, like, just a lot going on. And even for me personally, I wasn’t in the happiest place,” the 42-year-old Poosh founder said in her Bustle cover story published on Thursday, March 3. “I felt like I was being almost a character. ‘This is Kourtney, and she’s in a bad mood, so even though she was laughing really at lunch, we’re going to cut out the laughing and let’s only use the annoying comment that she said.’”
Kourtney told the outlet that she would “give myself a pep talk before walking in” to film the show.
“Like, say we were shooting at Khloé’s house. I’d be like, ‘It’s going to be a good day. Let’s have a good mood. Let’s put a smile on our face,’” she explained. “I see the growth that comes from those unhappy places which make it all worth it. I’m like, ‘If we didn’t go through these roller-coasters, you wouldn’t get to the good part.’”
While the Kourtney and Kim Take New York alum took a step back from filming during seasons 18-20, she will be part of the family’s new Hulu series, simply titled The Kardashians.
“Having the break shifted the mindset with my sisters,” she said. “When you’re doing that [show] every single day, you don’t have the space to take a break and be like, ‘Wait, we actually love each other.’”
Still, fans weren’t convinced Kourtney was fully on board after the first promo dropped earlier this year.
“It’s so funny, because there was a little tease for our new show. And I saw people in the comments like, ‘Kourtney is already over the show. She looks miserable,’” Kourtney explained, noting that she was “super sick” on the day she filmed the promo with her sisters. “Like, it’s a choice. I just find it funny. Workwise, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”
Kourtney, who shares three kids with ex-boyfriend Scott Disick, will also be joined by fiancé Travis Barker on the new show. She told Bustle that she used to be “really indecisive” when it came to relationships.
“I felt like I had to poll a lot of people to help me decide things. … I think it was in a time when I maybe felt more insecure or not in the greatest relationships,” she said. “I was used to always being a bitch and having no feelings.”
While Kourtney noted that KUWTK was “affecting” her “happiness,” Kris Jenner told the outlet that looking back, “We were probably all just a little too hard on Kourtney, to be honest.”
“I think that we had to realize that not everyone is going to have that thing that kick-starts every morning at 5 a.m. and runs until you fall down at the end of the day,” the momager said. “And that’s me, that’s Khloé, that’s Kim, that’s Kylie, that’s Kendall.”
Bustle noted that Kourtney’s rep claimed she wakes up at 6 a.m., earlier than two of her siblings.
Kris continued, “I think maybe we just expected to drag Kourtney right there along with us, whether she liked it or not, kicking and screaming. And she just had to say, ‘Look, I want to set some boundaries. I have one life and I’d like to live it the way I want to live it.’”
The Kardashians premieres on Hulu April 14.