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‘The Bachelor’ Recap: One Woman Walks Away and Lace Loses It — ‘F–k These Bitches’

Sisterhood of the traveling Bachelorettes! Ben Higgins got to know his hoard of girlfriends during the Monday, January 11, episode of The Bachelor, going on dates with not one, but one billion women. Not only did Ben take Caila Quinn to a liquor store, he went on a high school-themed group date and took several traumatized ladies to a “love lab” for scientific experimentation. Find out which ladies Ben sent home, plus which unfortunate girl had a total meltdown (hint: It’s Lace Morris).

Also noteworthy, Emily Ferguson mused, “Ben is the greatest Bachelor on the planet of history.” Praying that she wins this show because she’s clearly winning at life.

Related: PHOTOS: The Bachelor Season 20: Meet Ben Higgins' Bachelorettes!

Hot for Teach: Inside Ben’s High School-Themed Group Date

Ben’s inaugural group date took place at a high school (how romantic and not at all weird!), and involved Chris Harrison wearing glasses and forcing everyone to use their brains. Not only did the ladies have to “make Ben’s volcano explode” (interpret that any way you want), they had to locate Indiana on a map and bob for apples. Like, these lucky women literally had to half drown themselves in the name of love.

Ben ended up going to “homecoming” with Mandi Kremer (otherwise known as the girl who forced Ben to have a dental exam during their first conversation), but his group date rose went to none other than JoJo Fletcher. “I’m blown away,” JoJo said. “I have never in my entire life felt this happy before.”

Lace Loses It, Despite Successful “Eye-F–king” Session (Her Words)

Lace Morris admitted to being *slightly* drunk during The Bachelor premiere, and was determined to make up for her behavior. Tragically, her plan was an epic fail in every way possible. Despite happily informing cameras that she and Ben were “eye f–king,” Lace flew into a rage when Jubilee Sharpe interrupted their time together, saying, “We were literally about to kiss, like motherf–king f–ker.”

Lace then mused “f–ck these bitches,” complained bitterly about not having enough time with Ben and cornered him at the cocktail party to regale him about her awkward youth. “Everything would have been perfect if it wasn’t that Lace that came out ” Lace said. “The insecure Lace came out. The Lace I promised myself I would not be came out.” Sad face.

Related: PHOTOS: Failed Reality TV Romances

Ben Goes Hot Tubbing with Kevin Hart (Oh, and Caila Was There)

Caila Quinn scored Ben’s first one-on-one date, though really it was a four-on-one because Ice Cube and Kevin Hart were invited. Their brilliant plan? To see how Caila reacted to Ben being a cheap date. Answer: Surprisingly well!

After some *hijinks* at the liquor store in which Ice Cube tried to get Ben to buy condoms (yaaaas, Ice Cube), Ben and Caila took a dip in a hot tub and chatted about Ben being unlovable. “I’ve never really felt that two-way street,” Ben purred. “It’s an emotional roller coaster every day. Even walking into the other night, I was worried people were gonna get here and be like, ‘OK, I have an idea of who he is. And when I really get to know him, it’s time for me to walk away from this.'”

Considering Caila accepted Ben’s rose and his kisses, we’re thinking she’s not walking away anytime soon.

Ben Higgins
Ben Higgins on The Bachelor.

Paging Dr. Love!

Ben’s second group date can only be described as #science. Basically, he found someone named Dr. Love (sounds legit, right?) who scored Ben’s girlfriends in a series of experiments. #feminism! Most notably, Ben spent a lot of time smelling his ladies, which was awkward to say the least.

Tragically, Sam Passmore got the lowest score because the “glands next to her reproductive organs” smelled “sour,” while Olivia Caridi did flawlessly and felt the need to brag about it to everyone who would listen. “Olivia is the worst,” Amanda said. “Since the very first week in the house, I’ve had bad vibes from Olivia.” Olivia ended up getting the rose, humbly saying, “I got the group date rose. Me. It’s mine.”

Deuces, Ladies

The Rose Ceremony cocktail hour was pretty dramatic due to Olivia stealing Ben away for a sly make-out session, but once his lips recovered, he was able to form the words needed to eliminate several of his contestants. Bid farewell to Sam Passmore, Jackie Dion, Mandi Kremer and Lauren Barr, who eliminated herself because she just wasn’t feeling it. Surprised? So was Ben.

Tell Us: Do you feel like Ben has already found the one?

The Bachelor airs on ABC Mondays at 8 p.m. EST.

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