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Valerie Bertinelli Can’t ‘Blame’ Ex-Husband Tom Vitale for Their ‘Toxic, Horrible Marriage’

Valerie Bertinelli 'Just Can't Blame' Ex Husband Tom Vitale for Their 'Toxic, Horrible Marriage'
Valerie Bertinelli. John Lamparski/Getty Images for NYCWFF

Valerie Bertinelli is opening up about why her marriage to ex-husband Tom Vitale ended in divorce.

“I can’t just blame my ex-husband for a toxic, horrible marriage,” Bertinelli, 63, said on the Monday, April 15, episode of The Drew Barrymore Show.

The One Day at a Time star got engaged to Vitale, now 60, in 2010 after dating for six years. They tied the knot in January 2011. Bertinelli filed for legal separation in November 2021, citing irreconcilable differences, and their divorce was finalized in November 2022. (Bertinelli previously married the late Eddie Van Halen in 1981. They separated in 2001 and divorced in December 2007. They share a son, Wolfgang.)

In February, Bertinelli posted an Instagram video seemingly reflecting on her split from Vitale. “I am over it. I’m over the narcissist. I’m long over the narcissist,” she said at the time. “What I’m working on is, what made me tolerate the intolerable?”

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In looking back at the end of their relationship on Monday, Bertinelli said she has a new perspective.

“It’s not his fault,” she continued. “What led me to that? Oh, childhood! That’s the stuff I got to start working on.”

The two-time Emmy winner began her acting career in 1974 at age 14. The next year, producer Norman Lear chose her for his sitcom One Day at a Time, on which she starred for a decade.

While reflecting on her career, she admitted it was difficult being a teenage TV star.

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“The business can really mess with a child’s head. I’m going back to the childhood stuff and working on that,” she told Barrymore.

The talk show host, 49, easily related to Bertinelli’s experience as a young star. Barrymore starred in Steven Spielberg’s classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial when she was 7 years old and has since been open about struggling with drugs and alcohol as a young actress.

Despite her divorce, Bertinelli hasn’t given up on love. She recently revealed that she is in a new relationship with a younger man.

“I was not going to date. I was going to die alone with my six cats and my dog and be very happy alone,” she joked on Monday. “He was not supposed to come into my life and here he is, he’s 10 years younger.”

Valerie Bertinelli 'Just Can't Blame' Ex Husband Tom Vitale for Their 'Toxic, Horrible Marriage'
Vincent Sandoval/Getty Images

Bertinelli gushed to Barrymore about her boyfriend, who she did not identify by name.

“He’s amazing. He would like to think he’s complicated and brooding, but he’s thoughtful and kind and ridiculously talented,” she continued. “He’s an amazing writer. He’s gorgeous, like, so hot. He does it for me.”

Bertinelli revealed that she discovered her new beau on social media while she was married to Vitale.

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“I actually started following him on Twitter back in 2016 or 17,” she recalled. “He has a really amazing Twitter following. He’s very funny, very acerbic, and [was] political at that time.”

The actress explained that they slowly began sending messages.

“He would just DM once in a while, just like sweet, little, nice comments,” Bertinelli added. “Nothing pushy … like, really friendly. He didn’t want to get involved with anybody either.”

The DMs led to texts, phone calls and FaceTiming, and they finally planned to connect in person.

“I met him in New York a month ago and I’m just gone,” Bertinelli said.

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