Picking up the pieces after her tough split. Married at First Sight's Heather Seidel comes clean in the season 4 reunion episode on Tuesday, November 1, about the surprising amount of pain she endured during her divorce from Derek Schwartz, as seen in Us Weekly's exclusive sneak peek.

The FYI relationship series' preview clip shows the flight attendant returning to tell the show's counselors about the emotions she felt throughout the dissolution of her marriage. Earlier this season, Seidel and Schwartz became the first couple in the show's history to divorce midway through a season.

"I didn't expect to have the hurt and the sadness," Seidel reveals. "I've been thinking about marriage since I was a child — I've always wanted to get married, I've seen marriage work. And it's a loss of really having someone that I could really love and connect with and feel safe with and build a life with."

The show's team asks Seidel if she has any interest in patching things up with her ex-husband, and she replies, "No, I haven't thought about seeing him. I just don't see him as someone that I want to be in a romantic relationship with."

A previously released clip from the special showed Tom Wilson and Lillian Vilchez revealing whether they are still married. "It's been hard — marriage is not easy," Vilchez said in the scene, which was also exclusive to Us.

Watch the clip above to see Seidel explain what she learned from the tough process. Married at First Sight airs on FYI Tuesdays at 8:30 p.m. ET.

Sign up now for the Us Weekly newsletter to get breaking celebrity news, hot pics and more delivered straight to your inbox!