Ain't no party like a Bachelor party, 'cause a Bachelor party don't stop 'til at least one girl is sobbing on the bathroom floor and wailing about wanting to go home after drinking too much champagne. Week two of Juan-uary was a dramatic one, to say the least, with nudity, tears, and the first of what will surely be many hot tub scenes with Juan Pablo Galavis and his "ladies." But we'll get to that.
The second episode of season 18 opens at the Bachelor mansion, where the girls are literally oohing and aahing over Clare's luck at getting the first Juan-on-one date. Their glee/envy becomes even more apparent when Juan Pablo arrives to take her out and promptly blindfolds her.
"I know it sounds crazy," she gushes, "but this could be the first date with my future husband." Later, as they're driving to their as-yet-unknown destination, she adds, "He smells like heaven in a bottle! He smells so good!"
Clare's infatuation is clearly heating up, but Juan Pablo has a plan to cool things down -- with fake snow and ice. After pulling up to what initially looks like an abandoned Christmas tree lot, he hoists a still-blindfolded Clare onto his back and then sets her down in the middle of an ice skating rink. Somehow (meaning, through the magic of TV), team Bachelor has managed to create a winter wonderland -- complete with a little hill for sledding -- right in the middle of perpetually sunny and warm L.A.
"This first date with Juan Pablo is going, in my eyes, amazing," Clare says in a voiceover, as the camera shows her flailing around on the ice. "I haven't felt this alive because of a man in a long, long, long time. I'm 100 percent open to opening myself up."
Back at the mansion, the rest of the ladies (including a topless Lucy) are relaxing in the hot tub when another date card arrives. This one is for Kat and reads, "I can feel the electricity."
Speaking of electricity...sparks are definitely flying between Clare and Juan Pablo. The two strip down to their bathing suits for some hot tub action of their own, and Clare is beside herself with lust. "I think Juan Pablo is so sexy. He is soooo sexy," she says. "I'm watching this amazing body, like, slither into the spa."
We're obviously heading for the inaugural makeout session of the season here -- but not before a little heart-to-heart. Clare tells Juan Pablo about her late father, who died of brain cancer, which prompts him to give her the date rose. "If you have a father that treated you like a princess, you want a man that treats you like a princess. Clare and I have high standards on relationships," he explains. "I want her to stay."
Once that's out of the way, Clare practically pounces on Juan Pablo. They kiss for a while in the hot tub before Josh Krajcik shows up to surprise them with a private concert, which they enjoy while slow-dancing half-naked in the snow. (Awkward!)
The next day, Juan Pablo returns to the mansion to take Kat out on a Juan-on-one. They head to a local airport, where they board a small private plane, and Kat's head immediately fills with images of Miami and New York. "I'm already having visions of jet-setting with my Latin lover," she quips.
Unfortunately for her, Miami will have to wait, because they're destined for Salt Lake City, Utah. Juan Pablo hands her an outfit -- bright blue sneakers, a white skirt, a neon green tank top, and a light-up hoodie -- and then whisks her away to...the starting line for the Electric Run, a rave-like 5K with hordes of other screaming, similarly dressed runners.
After the race, they take the stage to show off their dancing skills, and Juan Pablo offers her the date rose. "Kat!" he screams into the microphone, barely audible over the thumping electronic music and incessant shrieking. "Will you accept this rose?"
On to the group date! Chelsie, Christy, Kelly, Cassandra, Andi, Renee, Lauren, Alli, Chantel, Nikki, Elise, Victoria, and Lucy are the self-proclaimed "lucky 13" picked to join Juan Pablo at a sexy photo shoot with puppies. Each of the ladies will be dressing up (or down) and cozying up on camera to both Juan Pablo and a designated four-legged friend in support of Models n Mutts, an organization that raises money for pet rescues around the country.
While some of the Bachelorettes get to strut their stuff in bikinis and sexy dresses, others are not so lucky. Lucy, for example, is given a fire-hydrant costume, while Kelly is fitted with a bald cap and then painted brown with white spots (to match her chosen dog). Elise and Andi, meanwhile, have to pose naked with just small white signs covering their private parts.
Thinking fast on her feet, Elise negotiates with Lucy to switch costumes. ("I was happy to take off my top, as always," the so-called free spirit explains.) But Andi is stuck with her "costume" -- and she is not happy about it.
Taking notice of her distress, Juan Pablo sits her down and assures her that everything will be okay -- because he's going to be naked, too. That seems to put Andi at ease, and she agrees to do the shoot. "I could kinda tell that this wasn't in his comfort zone either," she explains. "Knowing that he was uncomfortable, too, made me feel more comfortable."
Later that night, the ladies join Juan Pablo on a rooftop for the group date cocktail party. "It's like a dream," Alli says, "but with 12 other women along."
The first of these women to get some coveted alone time with the Bachelor is Cassandra, who reveals that she -- like Juan Pablo and Renee -- is a single parent, to a nearly 2-year-old little boy named Trey.
The night goes on rather uneventfully from there -- until Victoria starts guzzling champagne like it's her job. Nikki advises her to ease up, telling her everyone thinks she's "a little hammered and crazy right now," but Victoria insists she's fine. "This is how I am sober!" she slurs. (Her best quote of the night, however, comes later: "I'm not a dog -- I'm just a bitch.")
Things just get worse from there. After stumbling around the roof in search of Juan Pablo, Victoria finds him sitting and talking with Nikki, which flips a switch in her. She freaks out, locks herself in the bathroom, and wails about wanting to bail on the whole Bachelor experience.
Renee -- who, as a single mom, is probably used to dealing with tantrums -- follows her into the stall to try to talk her down, but to no avail. "Send me home! I don't give a s--t," Victoria sobs, running away from Renee and over to one of the producers. "I'm going home!"
That's pretty much a given at this point -- it's doubtful Juan Pablo would let her stick around even if she wanted to -- but for now, she's headed to a hotel to sober up.
Back at the cocktail party, Juan Pablo addresses the rest of the ladies, telling them he understands how difficult the situation can be and feels bad that Victoria was so upset. That said, he still has a rose to give out -- and he's giving it to Kelly for being such a good sport about being painted brown at the photo shoot.
The next morning, Juan Pablo meets up with Victoria, who is less embarrassed about her behavior than she probably should be. "I may have overreacted a little," she says. "I guess I should apologize for setting off the crazy train...I just feel everything very intensely. So when I'm mad, I'm really mad."
Juan Pablo understands -- but he's sending her home anyway. "At the end of the day, it's not just about me. It's about me and my daughter," he explains after letting her go. "And I don't think it's right for me to be involved with a woman who can't handle herself."
With that out of the way, Juan Pablo just has two more women to eliminate by the end of the night. Sharleen -- the opera singer from Germany -- wants to make sure she's not one of them, so she uses the evening's cocktail party to apologize to Juan Pablo for being so "ungracious" when he offered her the first impression rose in last week's premiere.
Elsewhere in the mansion, Cassandra is freaking out about leaving her son and wondering whether it's worth it for her to be away from him when the guy she's dating is also dating several other women. Juan Pablo assures her that he wants her there and says he won't string her or Renee along, since he knows they both have people waiting on them at home. And to prove it, he offers her the first rose at that night's rose ceremony.
He also gives roses to Nikki, Andi, Elise, Sharleen, Renee, Danielle, Lucy, Alli, Chelsie, Lauren, and Christy -- which means Amy and Chantel are headed home.