Erika Kirk opened up about the raw emotions she felt in those first few hours after learning husband Charlie Kirk died.
“It’s September 11, 2025 — the day after my husband, Charlie Kirk, was shot and killed. The past 24 hours feel like a fever dream as I land in Phoenix from Utah and return home,” Erika, 37, wrote in an op-ed for the New York Times published on Monday, September 7. “I get out of the car, and my kids run into my arms. They have no idea where I was or what I was doing. They care only that I am home.”
Last year, Charlie died at age 31 after being shot in the neck during a speaking engagement at Utah Valley University. He was survived by Erika and their two children.
“As I walk to the front door, there’s a tightening in my chest I don’t recognize. Is this what grief feels like?” she continued. “I sit on the couch where Charlie sat two nights ago watching the Cubs with our kids. I feel a wave building inside me, and I know it’s about to crash.”
Erika confessed she turned to Vice President JD Vance’s wife, Usha Vance, for solace at the time.
“As she held my hand, she said: ‘You know when you’re on an airplane with your kids, and you’re going to land in 15 minutes, but the kids are going crazy, screaming, throwing things, and then the plane lands, and the kids relax, and everything is fine again? That’s how it will be. Just get through the next 15 minutes,’” she recalled of the second lady’s advice. “Her words are seared into my heart.”
The couple had been married since 2021, tying the knot in Scottsdale, Arizona, in front of their closest friends and family in an intimate ceremony.
In the wake of Charlie’s death, Erika stepped up as the new CEO of Turning Point USA and vowed to carry on his organization’s mission.
While detailing her ongoing journey with grief, Erika shared that she “worked up the courage” to go around her and Charlie’s home and glanced at her late husband’s things.
“I stood in the doorway of our bedroom. I turned on the light and walked toward his side of the bed. I stared at his pillow and wondered how long a person’s scent can last in sheets,” she penned. “I stood there in silence, replaying all of the completely ordinary mornings we woke up there together. I wasn’t ready to be there, so I turned off the light and crawled into bed with my 3-year-old daughter. Just get through the next 15 minutes.”
Erika admitted that she “avoided” her bedroom “for months” as she coped with her grief. She also struggled during the first holidays and milestones her family celebrated without Charlie.
“Grief is strange. Time continues even when every part of you wants it to pause or, better yet, rewind,” she wrote. “But the people we love who have passed on would not want us to spend the rest of our lives trying to rewind. At first, I needed to survive the next 15 minutes. Over time, I’ve realized that Charlie would want me to live them.”
Erika added that she felt “blessed” to be Charlie’s wife during their four years of marriage.
“To the world, he was Charlie Kirk. But to me, he was the love of my life. To our children, he was the center of their world,” she reflected. “When you lose someone you love, it’s easy to struggle to understand God’s plan. One of the hardest tests of our faith occurs when bad things happen. True faith means accepting that we won’t get every answer and finding peace in that.”
