Rihanna Reflects on Past Struggles on One-Year Anniversary of ‘Anti’ Album: I Was ‘Numb to All the Bulls–t’

Rihanna
Rihanna at Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2017 on September 30, 2016 in Paris, France.  Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Happy Anti-versary! In honor of the one-year anniversary of her double-platinum album Anti, Rihanna took to Instagram on Saturday, January 28, to reflect on her past struggles and the "challenge" of recording the LP.

"Looking back to 1 year ago… I released my most anticipated album to date #ANTi," the eight-time Grammy winner, 28, wrote. "When I started making this album I never would have imagined how much of a challenge the process would be. I was evolving in the midst of making a body of art that was supposed to reflect who I was in that moment, yet it was the very answer I didn't have! I was numb for a while …numb to all the bulls–t and numb to all the good s–t. But I was determined not to settle for what everybody thought this should be, or when they thought it should come, or how! I stuck to it until I felt something again!"

"And I remember like it was yesterday, the night it happened!" Rihanna continued, musing on the acclaimed album's lengthy recording process. "We rented a house in Malibu for a couple months and did MUSIC! Every room, every couch, every corner, there were musicians everywhere, the whole Fenty Corp, the best times! 1 night we vibing, TyTy made a comment, and I got super sensitive, lolol! Then I thought 'hold up, did I just feel a way?? Did I just FEEL???!!' It was in that moment that I trusted myself, trusted my ear, trusted my gut, trusted the way that my music made me FEEL!!!"

Looking back to 1 year ago…. I released my most anticipated album to date #ANTi ….When I started making this album I never would have imagined how much of a challenge the process would be. I was evolving in the midst of making a body of art that was supposed to reflect who I was in that moment, yet it was the very answer I didn't have! I was numb for a while…numb to all the bullshit and numb to all the good shit. But I was determined not to settle for what everybody thought this should be, or when they thought it should come, or how! I stuck to it until I felt something again! And I remember like it was yesterday, the night it happened! We rented a house in Malibu for a couple months and did MUSIC! Every room, every couch, every corner, there were musicians everywhere, the whole Fenty Corp, the best times! 1 night we vibing, TyTy made a comment, and I got super sensitive, lolol! Then I thought "hold up, did I just feel a way?? Did I just FEEL???!!" It was in that moment that I trusted myself, trusted my ear, trusted my gut, trusted the way that my music made me FEEL!!! I had no idea how it would be received, neither was that something I considered. I just wanted to make a body of work that felt right! And to the most beautiful, loyal fans that anyone would kill to have on their team, you were right there by my side waiting (im)patiently the entire time! To have the support of so many, with the enthusiasm that we shared for Anti felt like such a reward! I cannot thank you enough for loving her the way you do! And to every single person that was a part of the process from sound to aesthetic, thank you and I cherish you! May the Glory be to God! I actually hate long captions, I know u can't tell but i don't care! ? #ANTiversary

A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on

The Bates Motel actress said she initially wasn't sure how critics and fans would respond to the hip-hop and R&B-inspired songs on Anti, as they were a departure from her previous pop and dance hits. "I just wanted to make a body of work that felt right!" she wrote. "And to the most beautiful, loyal fans that anyone would kill to have on their team, you were right there by my side waiting (im)patiently the entire time! To have the support of so many, with the enthusiasm that we shared for Anti felt like such a reward! I cannot thank you enough for loving her the way you do! And to every single person that was a part of the process from sound to aesthetic, thank you and I cherish you! May the Glory be to God! I actually hate long captions, I know u can't tell but i don't care! #ANTiversary."

In the end, Anti proved to be a success, with some of Rihanna's biggest hits to date, including the Drake collaboration "Work," which hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, as well as "Needed Me" and "Love on the Brain." The LP also included fan favorites "Kiss It Better" and "Sex With Me." Next month, Rihanna will head to the 2017 Grammy Awards, where she is nominated for eight awards, including Record of the Year for "Work."

For access to all our exclusive celebrity videos and interviews – Subscribe on Youtube!