Woman’s Harrowing Twitter Tale of Pooping on a First Date, Toilet Malfunction is Horrifyingly Hilarious — Read Her Tweets

 Courtesy of @_blotty

This s–t is hilarious! A — brave — woman who goes by the moniker of @_blotty took to Twitter on Monday, March 21, to recount the time she pooped on a first date and things went horrifyingly wrong. Her scatological tale, of course, went viral.

@_blotty, who describes herself as a “confident, calm and self assured woman,” panicked when she used the toilet at her date’s apartment and it wouldn’t flush properly.

Instead of doing — we aren’t even sure what we would do, actually — our heroine did the unimaginable, unthinkable and pretty much nastiest thing ever.

In an attempt to avoid spending another minute in the bathroom while her suitor was waiting in the other room, @_blotty dealt with her s–t — literally.

Read her tale below in full to find out the fate of @_blotty’s s–ty first date:

P.S.: We’re secretly hoping she one day meets Zola the Stripper

Sign up now for the Us Weekly newsletter to get breaking celebrity news, hot pics and more delivered straight to your inbox!

Want stories like these delivered straight to your phone? Download the Us Weekly iPhone app now!

Close popup

Welcome to In Motion

Bring photos to life with Us Weekly's exciting new mobile experience!

What's In Motion? Tell me more

What's In Motion?

Go back

How to Use In Motion

What's In Motion? Tell me more