The Ozzman always cometh right when you need him. Just before the holidays hit, I knew it would be the perfect gift to grab some phone time with my bud Ozzy Osbourne, 62, and ask him how he plans to spend the holidays, as well as grab his thoughts on the current crop of charttoppers (watch out, Gaga!).
The rock legend and Rolling Stone advice columnist dialed me up last week from the set of a new claymation commercial for Brisk Iced Tea he was filming and here's the hilarious update.
UsMagazine.com: How are you man? How's everything?
Ozzy Osbourne: I'm quite burnt out being on the road for quite a while now.
Us: Well how's it been today?
OO: It's been quite enjoyable. My extremities from the shows every few months are much worse. So it's good to be doing this because it's different. I can't really call it work because it's not really hard work. It's pretty easy — I do what they ask me to do until I get it right.
Us: Why'd you decide to do a Brisk Iced Tea commercial? Are you a big tea drinker?
OO: Believe me, I drink a lot of tea being English. I love iced tea, I think iced tea's a really good, refreshing drink. I've done a lot of elixers over the years. The fashion now is to have the green tea, but I'm not really big on it.
Us: So what did you do today exactly?
OO: I did a bunch of one-liners like, 'I'm Ozzy Osbourne.' People want to know how to be normal, and I'll tell them to be normal in five seconds or so.
Us: So it's similar to the advice column you do for Rolling Stone?
OO: It's different. I don't want it to be a TV thing like my wife, but it's like another part of the industry. It's so easy, so enjoyable, and the people I work with always seem to be the really nice people. They're not going to go at you or give you a hard time. They're very easy-going people, which I like.
Us: Is it different than touring?
OO: It's so simple, I have a problem calling it work. They go, 'Say this line. Can you say it more aggressive? Can you say it like you're happy?' And you just go, 'I'll say it over and over again until you get what you want.' Compared to making records, it's a piece of cake. When I'm doing a record it takes weeks and months to get the thing finished. It's so easy, man. It's a joy.
Us: How's everything else going in your life?
OO: It's going great. The tour is going great, the band I have is great. I've got no complaints at all. For the first time in a long time, actually most of the time, I enjoy being on the road. I'm a bit burnt out from being on the road right now, but that's normal. You can't be resentful or moaning all the time. It's really a fun time to be Ozzy!
Us: Does it ever get really tiring?
OO: It gets tiring, of course it does. At one of the live shows, the audience keeps me going. The response I get from the audience gives me a charge of energy.
Us: Do you ever miss doing "The Osbournes?"
Us: You wouldn't do it again, then, right?
OO: Well, I'll never say never, but the question was 'Do I miss it?' and the answer is no. I'm not putting any feelers out for a new TV show. But my wife loves it, and my two kids… I won't say no to a walk-on cameo part, but as far as having a camera crew here in my house again, I really don't think so.
Us: Do you watch any of the current reality shows? Are you a "Real Housewives" fan?
OO: I've never watched one. Well, I think I watched one episode of "The Osbournes," and I watched Sharon. But that's the only trouble really — she comes out on the road and she organizes me. It takes me three weeks to get back to my own organization. 'What do you mean, you can't put your socks in that drawer?' I'm on the road, so it's my little world, and when she comes in like a whirlwind and starts rearranging my suitcase, it pisses me off, to be honest. Where my toiletries are, where my change of pants are… But she'll come out and put labels on every fucking thing!
Us: Are you proud of Kelly? She’s such a big star now!
OO: Kelly's doing so well. That girl works so hard, she really is a hard-working kid. Both of them have come to be great people. None of us expected it to take off like it did — it went through the stratosphere! They didn't know how to handle it, so they ended up on alcohol, drugs, but they're both clean now.
Us: Aren't you proud of her for losing all that weight?
OO: Oh yes, I'm proud of my daughter. But if she's fat, whatever, I love her. But I'm so happy for her, and everybody's always giving me compliments about how wonderful she looks. She's currently working on a film in New Orleans, but I don't know what the role is or anything else about it.
Us: Do you have any guy you'd like to see her with?
OO: No. I don't get involved. As long as he's not a bad guy or does bad things, or beats her… And, listen to me, if anybody beats one of my girls, I don't have to do anything, 'cause my wife will get there about four hours before me, and do what she's gotta do!
Us: What are your plans for the holidays?
OO: Well, I've got two more shows on this leg of the tour, and I go back to England on Monday. I spend Christmas in England, and then I come back to clear out my house in California, the beginning the year, the second of January. Then I spend some time in my house, and then the middle of January I'll go back on the road.
Us: And what else is coming up? A new album?
OO: I'm doing the tour, I'm doing some writing with my band right now. After we finish the tour we're gonna take a short break from each other, and then we're going to start writing for a new album.
Us: Any current musicians you're listening to, by the way?
OO: When I'm on the road, I don't. The last thing I want to do when I get to the hotel room is listen to new music. I really don't listen to it — all I want is to watch TV and do some writing or something. I don't really want to listen to it because I want to take a break from it.
Us: Any advice for any of the current music stars out there?
OO: I do think Lady Gaga should take a break for a little while. She's getting to be too much, and she doesn't watch the exposure of her clothes. She's just too overexposed. She could be the next Madonna if she played her cards right. I like her, but I'm getting a bit sick of her. When I turn on the TV, I see her wearing another lamp shade or whatever. She needs to take a break, I think, for an hour or so. I love her, I think she's really, really entertaining, but she's doing a bit too much. Every day it is something else. The specialness of her is gonna get killed if she doesn't calm it down. Who manages her? Someone should whisper in her ear and say back off for a couple of months — let people gain interest back. Let people want you, you know?
Us: Justin Bieber is also everywhere now.
OO: Who? Oh, the young kid who sits there with the guitar. He’s like 9…
Us: Well, he's 16 now actually.
OO: I saw him. I think it's the same guy. I saw this kid at an awards show playing the guitar sitting on a barstool. I don't know!
Us: Well, have a great holiday, Ozzy. Anything else you want everybody to know?
OO: No, just that I'm still here. I'm still active, I'm on the road and I look forward to seeing everybody next year!
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By Ian Drew for UsMagazine.com. To read more of Ian's blog, click here, and don't forget to follow him on Twitter.
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