Good news: The Bachelorette has helpfully started including maps at the beginning of their episodes, because that's how confused JoJo Fletcher's boyfriends are about countries outside the United States. On that note, JoJo and her band of deli meat–consuming bros found themselves in Buenos Aires during the ABC show's Monday, June 27, episode, and emotions were running high. Much like Jordan's pompadour.
Not only did JoJo break hearts during a shocking (SHOCKING!) two-on-one date, she questioned Jordan's motives after James tattled on him, and dropped a huge ~twist~ during the Rose Ceremony.
Wells Fails to Kiss JoJo, Is Brutally Rejected
Please pray for the mangled remains of Wells' ego, because it has been destroyed. This poor, innocent soul hadn't kissed JoJo going into their date, a fact that had everyone side-eyeing. Because duh: If you haven't made out with JoJo, you haven't lived life. Anyway, Wells was way too stressed to plant one on JoJo, so instead they spent their time watching randoms flop around in a giant swimming pool (aka "performance art"), while Sebastian the Crab was like, "Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my, look at the boy too shy, he ain’t gonna kiss the girl." (#LittleMermaidHumor)
Wells finally locked lips with JoJo while engaging in some watery performance art, and it was so un-sexy that JoJo literally high-fived him. Unsurprisingly, the rest of the night was a disaster, with Wells getting excessively sweaty and regaling JoJo about falling into the friend zone with his ex-girlfriend. The result? Brutal rejection.
"There was something that didn't feel 100 percent like I wanted it to," JoJo mused while Sweaty Wells gazed at her in panic. "You are an incredible human being, [but] I don't know if you are the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. So I am not able to give you this rose tonight." Bye, Wells! *waves cheerfully*
James Throws Jordan Under the Bus, Drives Over His Proverbial Body
Like most Bachelorette group dates, JoJo's day with her man-tribe was deeply awkward and full of second-hand embarrassment. The mood can best be summarized by a) JoJo telling some random local, "These are my boyfriends!" and b) JoJo awkwardly touching Jordan's abs and being all, "Oh! Your stomach's so hard!"
The good news is that JoJo got a chance to make out with Luke (he got the rose, BTW), but the bad news is that James decided to narc on his buddy Jordan. 'Cause apparently Jordan was mean to him during an off-camera poker game, or something?
James called Jordan an entitled snob, and — wait for it — implied that he might not be here for the right reasons. JoJo ended up confronting Jordan, and he was not pleased with James. "I don't enjoy my integrity being questioned at all," he mused to some poor cameraman. "Any time that's questioned, especially by someone I was friends with, is pathetic. That is really f–ked up. I'm not OK with that." Whatever, Jordan, we're not OK with watching Chad defile plates of ham, but we learned to live with it.
JoJo Sends Derek Packing in Shocking 2-on-1
Turns out it takes three to tango! JoJo made history by being the first Bachelorette to have two two-on-one dates in a season (history, guys. HISTORY), and Derek + Chase were the unlucky fellas who vied for her love. Their date basically consisted of three-way tango and an actual three-way (kidding!), followed by some one-on-one time wherein JoJo got to know both her guys better. And by that we mean she got to know their mouths better.
Weirdly, JoJo opted to give Chase the rose — despite having a much more intimate connection with Derek, who said he was "falling" for her. The poor guy didn't exactly take his rejection well, and gently sobbed while talking about himself in third person: "I wasn't enough. I thought I was. I'm not. I'm Derek. And Derek is imperfect."
Annnnd cut to JoJo and Chase making out to a live rendition of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina."
JoJo Refuses to Give Out Her Final Rose!
Breaking news: JoJo didn't eliminate anyone during the rose ceremony. Thanks to Jordan redeeming himself (apparently he wants to "do life" with her), and a couple steamy makeout sessions with Alex and James, JoJo just couldn't find someone to break up with. So instead, she decided to pause the Rose Ceremony and ask Chris Harrison for another flower. This meant that neither Alex nor James were rejected, and — somewhat hilariously — Alex was super offended. "We both essentially got pity roses in my book," he said. "I wanna feel wanted." Um, rude. You take your rose and act happy about it, Alex.
Tell Us: Do you think JoJo should have sent Chase home instead of Derek?
The Bachelorette airs on ABC Mondays at 8 p.m. ET. Tune into our Facebook Live Bachelorette panel Tuesday, June 28, at 12:15 p.m. ET with special guest Patti Stanger.
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