‘Vanderpump Rules’ Season 5 Premiere: Stassi Schroeder Explodes After Lala Kent Body-Shames Katie Maloney; Jax Taylor Spreads Sex Rumor

The crew is back! On the season 5 premiere of Vanderpump Rules on Monday, November 7, the Sur team served up some major heat. Lala Kent may work as the restaurant’s hostess, but she recently picked up the side gig of resident instigator — and Stassi Schroeder was not here for her antics.

A Cloudy Day in Lala Land

Lala is the new girl of Sur, but it didn’t take her long to stir up some drama.

“There was a time when I thought that Lala and I could actually be friends,” Scheana Shay told cameras as a clip of the pair's steamy season 4 liplock flashed across the screen. "And now it’s like a 180 again. She's still that skanky ho she was last year."

Stassi agreed that she’s beyond over Lala and would do just about anything to make sure everyone else sees her shady ways. "I hate the c-word, but this just feels like the right time for me to use it," Stassi quipped. Uh-oh!

Some Body-Bashing at the Bash

The castmates managed to behave civilly at work, but all hell broke loose at the OK! magazine party. Lala showed up with James Kennedy — her lover turned platonic best friend turned partner in crime — and they wasted no time helping themselves to the booze at their coworkers’ reserved section.

Stassi and the gang immediately told the pair to get lost, but Lala found the opportune moment to body-shame Katie Maloney.

"I can see that everybody here has not been working on their summer bodies … ," Lala remarked, looking directly at Katie. James added fuel to the fire by commenting that the bride-to-be looked pregnant.

The rest of crew exploded. Lala and James finally stumbled away, but only after a vodka cranberry was hurled across the table. Tom Sandoval later tried to reason with a heavily intoxicated James, but the DJ broke down in tears and blamed his actions on the fact that his father had abandoned his family and moved back to London.

James’ sob story wasn’t as impactful as he had hoped — the next day, Lisa Vanderpump caught wind of his belligerent ways and mentioned that James may have just earned his final strike.

Lala Kent, James Kennedy, Scheana Shay, Ariana Madix, Tom Sandoval, Lisa Vanderpump, Jax Taylor, Tom Schwartz, Katie Maloney, Stassi Schroeder, Kristen Doute Tommy Garcia/Bravo

Very Close Friends?

Jax Taylor has been dating California transplant Brittany Cartwright for about a year, but working together is starting to take a toll on their relationship.

“I just don’t want to, like, live together, work together, play together,” the notorious womanizer confessed. "That's a lot!"

Jax vented to Tom Sandoval about Brittany taking over his space, but the conversation quickly took a very different turn. Jax told his cobartender that he recently barged in on Brittany and Kristen getting to, um, know each other.

“I walked in the bedroom, and I see Kristen kissing Brittany down south,” Jax revealed to Tom. Jax suddenly started to lose his cool over the situation, which Tom met with an eyeroll.

“There is no shortage of bicurious Southern girls in West Hollywood,” Tom joked. “That’s a lot of fuss over a little cunnilingus. Welcome to L.A.! It’s the L.A. handshake.”

Lisa Vanderpump Nicole Weingart/Bravo

Tom and Jax asked Lisa to weigh in. "If it was anybody else, I don’t think I’d believe it," the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star admitted. "But Kristen chowing down on Kentucky muffin …"

Kristen was quick to shut down the rumor, but Jax refused to let it go. He subsequently caused several arguments with his visibly uncomfortable girlfriend, who couldn’t believe he was willing to sacrifice their relationship by spreading "lies" about her.

Luckily Stassi offered up a solution: Jax, Kristen and Brittany should just chop off their private parts. "Because none of this is normal," Stassi insisted.

The "Vagina Mafia" Recruits a New Member

Kristen and Stassi — or the "vagina mafia," as Tom Schwartz referred to them — gathered the girls together for a wine night at Katie’s apartment. In an effort to rally everyone against Lala, the duo claimed that Lala's new boyfriend is actually a "sugar daddy" who’s married with children.

A tipsy Katie pointed out Lala's hypocrisy — Lala will call Katie fat and old without hesitation, yet she only dates older men. "But what’s wrong with people being old?" Katie wondered. "Don’t you, like, f–king sit on old d–ks all day long?"

Mic. Drop.

Schwartz was there to witness the epic trash-talking and became worried that the other ladies — namely Stassi — were causing his fiancée to unleash her "inner mean girl."

Tell Us: Is Stassi bringing out Katie’s petty side?

Vanderpump Rules airs on Bravo on Mondays at 9 p.m. ET.   

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