Stassi strikes out at the summer house! On the two-hour dual episode of Vanderpump Rules and Summer House on Monday, January 9, Stassi Schroeder thought she finally found the perfect Montauk man — until he forgot her name and compared her looks to his “idol” Steve Jobs.
Mingling in Montauk
Stassi’s birthday getaway in the Hamptons continued at a posh clambake on the beach. Still upset about her recent breakup, Stassi turned to Katie Maloney for guy advice. "What do I tell guys when I meet them?" Stassi asked Katie before they headed to the seafood extravaganza hosted by Stassi’s friends Ashley and Lauren Wirkus. "[Like], 'Well, I spray tan once a week. I love a good blowout, and my exercise is shopping online.’ … Oh, my God, who would date me?”
Katie told Stassi that she needed to exercise her “single muscle” and encouraged the birthday girl to get her flirt on. As luck would have it, a young, handsome entrepreneur caught Stassi’s eye at the clambake — but Stassi was too distracted by her friends’ embarrassing manners to make a move.
Scheana Shay and Kristen Doute committed the ultimate clambake faux pas when they refused to eat the food. “I don’t really eat fish,” Scheana whined, turning her nose up at the lobster. She added, “You shouldn’t eat anything with claws. I mean, are you going to eat a cat?” Clams, cats — same thing?
Introducing Stassi Jobs
Despite Kristen and Scheana’s rude behavior at the clambake, the Wirkus twins still decided to invite the girls to a party later that night at their “summer house” — a.k.a. a jaw-dropping beach home in the heart of the Hamptons.
“I love this house so much, it makes me think I’m in the wrong business,” Kristen said. “Maybe I should be in … business.”
Stassi got a second chance to flex that single muscle when she suddenly found herself alone in the hot tub with the twins’ friend Kyle Cooke — the sexy guy from the clambake. Stassi was nervous at the thought of hooking up with someone new, but she was definitely feeling Kyle.
“I hate to say it, but maybe Stassi should ask herself, ‘What would Lala do?’” Katie insisted. The group set Stassi up for some steamy alone time with Kyle in the hot tub … but the “hot” tub turned cold when a heavily intoxicated Kyle forgot Stassi’s name, insulted her swimsuit and told Stassi that she looked like Steve Jobs.
Stassi was appalled. She schooled Kyle for having terrible game and hopped out of the hot tub faster than Kyle could say “turtleneck.”
Jax Taylor Is a Massage-gynist?
For her 31st birthday, Ariana Madix and the crew took a tiny RV on a booze-fueled road trip to a Nascar race. Ariana thought the small camper would ignite a sense of camaraderie among the group, but the limited space caused tensions to rise between Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright.
"Jax can honestly be the sweetest, most generous, loving guy," Brittany told the cameras. "But then he can also be the biggest asshole on the planet."
When the group arrived to the race, Tom Sandoval tried to lighten the mood by asking Nascar driver Austin Dillon to sign his hair straightener (Ariana was so proud), but then Tom Schwartz jokingly asked if the ladies would show off some skin. Ariana and Brittany laughed as they denied Schwartz’ request — however, Jax felt he could volunteer his girlfriend’s chest anyway.
“I paid for them,” he reasoned, referring to Brittany’s breast augmentation. Ariana was disgusted by Jax’s disrespectful comments. “Jax, your girlfriend is actually not a car,” Ariana retorted. “You can’t just walk around showing everybody what’s under the hood whenever you want to.”
Later that night, Ariana sat Brittany down to talk to her about Jax’s misogynistic ways. But Brittany didn’t need tough love; she needed a vocabulary lesson. “What does a ‘misogynist’ mean?” Brittany asked Ariana. “He gives me massages?”
After learning a brand new word, Brittany decided to confront Jax. But Jax didn’t want to hear her concerns. He flipped the issue around on Brittany and started complaining about how she doesn’t “appreciate him.”
“Sometimes I ask for a turkey sandwich, and I only get ham,” Jax whined. Ouch…?
Lala Wants to Walk Away From Sur
Lala Kent finally resurfaced after bailing on Ariana’s birthday trip. She unfollowed Ariana on Instagram, then headed into Sur to have a sit-down meeting with Lisa Vanderpump. Before talking business, Lisa asked Lala why she decided to ditch the trip last-minute. Lala told her boss that she didn’t go because she didn’t want to be around Jax and her other coworkers.
“They’re saying that I’m a homewrecker,” Lala cried, wiping tears from her eyes. She told Lisa that the Sur staff was spreading “lies” about her mysterious relationship. “I think it’s best for me to walk away from this work place,” Lala announced, threatening to quit.
But Lisa didn’t have time for Lala’s meltdown. “Time to grow up now,” Lisa said. “If you quit, you’re going to give some people a lot of satisfaction, and I don’t think you want to do that.”
Tell Us: Is the time right for Lala to walk away?
Vanderpump Rules airs on Bravo Mondays at 9 p.m. ET.