Jesse James: Childhood Abuse Made Me Cheat on Sandra Bullock
Credit: Rachel Kelly/Photo Image Press; James Devaney/WireImage.com
Jesse James says childhood abuse led him to cheat on Oscar-winning wife Sandra Bullock with numerous women.
"I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], 'Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway,'" the biker, 41, said in a Nightline interview that aired Tuesday. "The struggle within myself for the things that I did ...to damage marriage and my life and everything else, it's all me. I'm doing it because, you know, I've basically never felt good enough for anyone."
That's partly why he checked into rehab for a month in March.
He said he went in with "a little bit of an ego," but "after about two days I realized, 'Wow, I'm kind of more messed up than most of the people here.' It was like peeling an onion. Every day it was a new revelation about myself and the things I've been doing. I cried more in rehab in the last 30 days than I have in my whole life. No BS. That's the truth."
Seeking treatment made him realize "Bike builder, Monster Garage TV star, all that stuff is a huge smokescreen so that people won't see that I'm a scared, abused kid, a seven-year-old."
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Raised by his single father, James said his dad "beat my ass pretty good a bunch of times ... I just remember, like, clinched teeth, strained-neck look on his face. My whole childhood, I never had a chance to be a kid. ...I was always scared."
One time, "I tripped over this little low fence wire and snapped my wrist and I remember my dad laughed at me when I hit the ground and called me a dummy," James recalled. "I was petrified of my dad ... It wasn't so much getting the s*** beat out of me or getting my arm broken or getting kicked or whatever or punched, it was the in-between time. It was the fear of that happening again. I was a terrorized kid and, I mean, it's really tough for me to think about now because ...Sunny [his 7-year-old daughter] is the age that I was when my dad broke my arm." (James' estranged father Larry denies the abuse allegations.)
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James said he isn't a sex addict, but cheating on Bullock, 46, was a way for him "to sabotage my life ... I think I do a lot of things in my life that I shouldn't be doing that aren't conducive to being a perfect husband, you know, and the affairs are just one of them."
Abuse victims "self-sabotage their life ... because of their abuse; they've never felt good enough," he said. "Why would I totally destroy my wife's life and humiliate her when I knew it was bad, you know? I may seem like a monster in people's eyes, but I'm not that kind of person where I will willfully, you know, 'I'm gonna get her, I'll show her,' that's not what it's about. It's about trying to push someone away that I thought was going to leave anyway."
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Although Bullock filed for divorce in April and said she plans to raise their adopted 3 1/2-month-old son Louis as a single parent, James said he hopes they'll reconcile.
Said James, "I really wish I didn't have to go through all this and put everybody else through this to get to this place, but hopefully with time and my actions, and the things that I do, I hope people realize that, you know, Hey, I'm human, I make mistakes and I'm sorry for what I did."
Tell Us What You Think
248IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS WHAT HAPPENED. LEAVE THEM ALONE AND LET THEM LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE. PEOPLE NEED TO KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES. TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN LIFE AND LEAVE OTHERS ALONE.
i honestly believe that boys who cheat on women are GAY (homosexual) because the girls they cheat with arent prettier than their wives. grab a pair of balls and suck them get over it. sandra is better off without you !
Stupid sorry ass excuse for a reason but I have to give him credit for originality! I know most if not all guys cheat but I honestly cannot say I've EVER heard that one before!
father is he still alive? what a joke,come on your not a kid grown up,your an adult...you want your cake and you want to eat it too,you sure ate it ,,how can you pick them over a sweet women like sandra,good you lost,that is what you deserve....
Ya right.....next excuse....and that is why you ride motorcycles too cause of your mom,Whats next for this loser....cheaters have to blame someone else beside themself...OMG,
B S !!!!! He has enough money to have received couseling over the years. He keeps making excuses. He is a scuzball and that is all there is to it. He lives the life he chooses to live. I have NO sympathy for the jerk. His five minutes are up!!!!!!!
Jesse James makes me sick!!!! Grow up and be a man for once take the blame for your own actions. Your fathers abuse did not cause you to be a jerk it's the little jerk in your pants!!!! I am also A child of abuse and I do not blame my past for what is going on now!!!! GROW UP!!!!!
fck all u guys hes hot! he could cheat on me anyday, I dont know why he was with that flat chested rat face bich Sandra anyways.
isnt it funny how they always come out with this huge heartfelt apology AFTER THEYRE CAUGHT!!! Theyre not sorry for cheating, theyre sorry they got caught!!
whatever happened to him as a child should have stayed beween him and a therapist. Now all the sudden he got caught cheating he has to announce his abuse. Im sorry but everyone has been thru something in their life at one time or another, and it doesnt make you excempt from being a decent human. further more it just criess a poor attempt to redeem himself in the publice eye....yawn, he needs to go away now, cause he will always be known as Sandra Bullock's vanilla gorilla cheating ex
So Jesse James felt that he didn't deserve to be married to Sandra Bullock. HE WAS RIGHT. RUN SANDRA, RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK, HONEY!!!
Get a clue Jesse! There is no way to "rationalize" cheating.
He's not making an excuse, he's giving an explanation. He's owning up, he's taking responsibility, he's saying it was wrong, he's saying he's to blame, and he's saying he's sorry. Until you've lived a childhood like his, as I have, you don't know what you're talking about. Yes, there are victims of abuse that turn out just fine, and there are those that don't. Every human being is different. It's just a sad situation for everybody. What he did to Sandra is sick and unforgivable, but this is him explaining where it came from, which is much more that Tiger ever did.
OH! That MUST be it!! Blame it something else, anyone else, ANYTHING ELSE than take responsibility for what YOU did. NO ONE ELSE. YOU, Jesse. JUST YOU. We've all been through HORRIFIC events in our lives BUT we do NOT blame it on someone else when you do something so HORRIFIC, DISPICIABLE (sp) and DSIGUSTING as cheating on your WIFE NOT ONCE but MULTIPLE TIMES. You're a sick bastard who will NEVER heal until you take responsibility for your OWN actions that are YOUR OWN FAULT AND NO ONE ELSE'S. You loser.
Your Name: While I'm not really buying his story much, there's a big difference between between in a concentration camp and a child being constantly abused for years. When you go into something like a concentration camp, while you are in a horrible situation, in most cases you aren't thinking that you deserve it. You know that what the people are doing to you is wrong. When a child is being abused by a parent, especially from a young age, they grow up feeling like they're worthless, that they deserve it. There's a big difference in the emotional repercussions, so your statement is silly. BTW it's Sandra, not Sarah.
I think it's just another excuse a man has to come up with.
To Your Name. You are right in that we don't need to know everything that happened to him in his past, but get off your high horse about how a person who has been abused should act and behave. I suffered terrible physical abuse from my first memories until I left home at 18. I still struggle with the feelings of worthlessness that were drilled into my head. The feelings of isolation, fear, shame, etc. are not something you can just erase from your mind. Unless you've gone through something like that, you can't possibly understand and, therefore, are not in ANY position to judge. For someone like him to lay his feelings out there is very brave. He did a stupid thing and he's owning it. I think it's terrible that he betrayed the trust of his family, but he's trying to make amends. I guess what I'm trying to say is, shut your pie hole. You don't know what you're talking about.
YES, quite a sob story... Bad childhood, yes... People survived concentration camps, and behaved normally afterwards, and this one blames evyehting on a couple of spankings he received forty years ago, indeed. He just thought that Sarah's wallet will be within his reach again, once he "confesses" his sad life. For those of you who say it was "true" - if so, why did WE need to know this? A "true" person would have kept this bull to his therapist. What a cheap, money grabbing show off.
to ccaponetto: Right On!!! Yes, Jesse royally screwed up, but you can tell he loves her. He has a Sh...y way of showing it, but people do learn from horrible mistakes sometimes. Sometimes it takes one's own actions or a royal screw up to awaken them. I have always thought they had a REAL love by how they are and how they look at one another. Sandra....Please give it time, and sometimes the best things come from heart ache...I know. And throwing Jesse to the curb, as far as the two of you are concerned, my not be the best thing. YOU LOVE HIM....HIM. I truly feel he is sorry and is trying with every ounce of his being to try and fix it. It may not be fixed, but it could lead to a new, wiser, more mature, and actually YES, and stronger and more powerful love. I know this because I have lived it. It is possible, but you have to leave out what all the publicity wants or any negativity because they don't know YOU TWO!!! You would always be respected and abmirably strong in my eyes...even if it works out or not. It doesn't have to be over!!!! Best wishes and much love to you and your children!!!!!!!!! The pain will go away!!!!!
Ccaponetto- I completely agree with you, very well put.