Credit: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic ; Jon Furniss/WireImage

According to Ricky Gervais, the queen of reality TV is no match for the future Queen of England.

In his scathing opening monologue (just like last year's!) at Sunday's Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills, the British comic didn't pull any punches.

"The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars but without all that esteem," Gervais began, then bringing up the most talked-about women of 2011 to make his point.

"The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton," he cracked as the star-packed audience giggled. "A bit louder. A bit trashier. A bit drunker and more easily bought -- allegedly!"

"Who needs the Oscars? Not me," Gervais continued. "And not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on that," he said of Murphy, who famously accepted and then nixed his gig hosting the upcoming Academy Awards. "But when the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you..."

Rattling off his "rules" this year to appease the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (and the censors), Gervais read a list. "No profanity. No nudity. That's a shame because I've got a huge...vocabulary. But a tiny penis! And I mustn't mention Mel Gibson, his private life, his politics...and especialy not Jodie Foster's Beaver," he said of the Foster-directed flick starring Foster, 49, who giggled at her table. "I haven't seen it myself!"

Tell Us: Did you like Gervais' monologue?