Michelle Rodriguez really struggled to come to terms with the death of Paul Walker. The Fast & Furious actress revealed in the controversial documentary The Reality of Truth that while under the influence of a psychedelic plant called Ayahuasca, she realized that she was jealous Walker left her on earth.
“I have to say, you know, when I lost Paul, I went through about a year of just being an animal,” Rodriguez said in a clip obtained by TMZ. “Like, what could I do, physically, to just get my mind off of existentialism? Get my mind off of how transient life is and how we come here and can just disappear at any moment. How could I get my mind off that? I did everything I could possibly do to hide from myself and I’ll tell you that my ayahuasca trip made me sad that he left me here,” she recalled. “It wasn’t a sadness that he’s gone, it’s more like a jealousy that he’s there first.”
In the documentary, Rodriguez explains that the drug caused her to have an “awakening” and that it “brought the destruction of everything I’ve ever known.”
Rodriguez previously admitted to Entertainment Weekly that she “went crazy” after Walker’s death at age 40 in November 2013.
“I actually went on a bit of a binge,” she recalled following the late star’s fatal car crash. “I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.”
“I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that,” she continued. “When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I f–king here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’”
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