Another day, another flawless episode of ABC’s Bachelor in Paradise. Not only did Ashley Iaconetti get thrown out of Mexico only to claw her way back in, but Caila Quinn rejected Jared Haibon, and Izzy Goodkind broke up with Vinny Ventiera — which we can all agree was neither good nor kind (note: HAHA). Also — and this hasn’t been confirmed — we assume several million crabs lost their vision as a result of seeing Josh Murray and Amanda Stanton literally make out for hours. Keep reading for more insight into the Monday, August 22, episode.
Ashley Gets Rejected, Refuses to Leave, Is Hero
Remember last week when Jared threatened to leave Paradise thanks to Ashley drama? Well, he totally stayed and gave his rose to Caila, meaning that Ashley was never seen from again. LOL, kidding! Like a persistent rash that weeps all day, Ashley is impossible to get rid of, and she wandered back into Paradise begging for a second chance. Shockingly, everyone welcomed her back under the condition that she leave Jared alone, and Ash proceeded to spend the rest of the episode low-key stalking her unrequited love while crying. At one point, she actually said the sentence, “This is what romance novels are made of: Girl likes guy who doesn’t like her.” So, yeah. Things are rough out there.
Say Bye Bye Bye to …
Sarah Herron. We hardly knew ye! Despite Sarah making a play for Daniel Maguire‘s maple-syrup-soaked heart, this Canadian man-child gave his rose to Emily and Haley Ferguson after one of them volunteered as tribute to kiss him. Turns out that’s really all it takes to impress Dan the Man, but what can we expect from a guy who once compared sleeping with Ashley to “freakin’ winning a battle in Vietnam.”
Say Hi, Hi, Hi to….
Carl King and Brett Melnick! These two immediately made an impression on the ladies of Paradise and ended up taking Emily and Caila, respectively, on a double date. That’s right, guys — Caila momentarily rejected Jared for Brett — despite the fact that he entered this show wearing pants and sandals, a sartorial faux pas that horrified everyone. Luckily for Jared (and unluckily for Ashley, who called her enemy a “backstabbing whore”), Caila had a terrible time during their “booze cruise.” But, hey, at least Carl and Emily got to low-key dry-hump each other! To quote Brett: “She’s riding him like Seabiscuit, and I’m like, ‘What the f–k is going on over here.'”
In other news, Ryan Beckett showed up and asked Haley out, and it looks like they might have a real connection! Yay!
Izzy Trades in Vinny for Brett, Destroys Lives
Try not to panic, but Izzy pulled a Judas on Vinny and broke up with him after basically a lifetime (read: two weeks) of dating. You see, apparently Brett is Izzy’s “perfect man,” and the mere sight of him caused her to spiral.
“I wasn’t expecting it at all,” Vinny said. “You’re gonna talk to some dude for 10 minutes, and you’re gonna throw everything we have out the window? Because he looks good? With jeans and f–king sandals, rolled up? F–k outta here.”
Someone start a GoFundMe page to get Vinny a pair of pants, because it’s clearly the only way he can save this relationship.
Lace and Grant Are Now the World’s Cutest Couple: Fact
#Vizzy might be dead, but good news: Grant Kemp and Lace Morris are completely adorable, and this week Grant dropped the L-word after treating his lady friend to an intimate couple’s massage. “I haven’t met anybody quite like Lace before,” he told cameras. “She’s one of those girls that she doesn’t realize how amazing she is.”
Weirdly, Lace wasn’t able to tell Grant that she loves him back — despite being over the moon when he declared his feels in a hot tub. Why are you holding back, Lace? What’s your game, friend?
Tell Us: Are you Team Vinny or Team Izzy? And did Ashley deserve her second chance?
Bachelor in Paradise airs on ABC Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET.
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