In the unlikely event that you don’t already know, a Fantasy Suite is a magical place full of sensual hot tubs and throw pillows, where JoJo and her gents can explore each other’s bodies (sorry for that visual) without Chris Harrison lurking around the corner. It’s a glorious time for literally everyone, but tragically two of JoJo’s boyfriends were brutally rejected throughout the course of this episode. Prepare your body, because these poor dudes didn’t get the chance to prepare theirs.
JoJo Channels Beyoncé and Tells Luke, “Boy, Bye!”
Last week’s episode of The Bachelorette ended with JoJo deciding between Luke and Chase. But after weeping on the floor of an airport hangar with nary a production assistant bothering to comfort her, JoJo dragged her broken body back to the rose ceremony and rejected Luke. And guys? He was blindsided. A weeping JoJo apologized to the heartbroken horse whisperer, while he mused, “You didn’t want me. Holy s–t.” It was deeply sad. See you on the ranch, Cool Hand!
JoJo Falls in Love With Robby After Sensual Foot Massage
Welcome to Thailand, romantic paradise full of adorable monkeys who are 100 percent over Chris Harrison’s fleet of interns filming them for B-roll. Robby was the first of JoJo’s harem to spend the night, and they kicked off their date getting a Thai massage and talking about the deeply awkward fact that Robby broke up with his girlfriend, like, five minutes ago. But the real fun started when the sun was all, “Nope, I’m out,” and night descended, giving JoJo and Robby a chance to take their relationship to the next level.
Robby talked to JoJo about his lovin’ feelings, and then they had sex. Probably. At least that’s what we’re gathering from JoJo saying, “I feel ready to want to be intimate with Robby, and have that time with him. At this point, I know I love Robby, and I know I’m ready to take that next step.”
The pair clearly had a good night, but JoJo didn’t tell Robby about her feelings: “I will not tell somebody I love them, until it’s at the end,” she said. “When I know without a shadow of a doubt who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
JoJo Falls in Love with Jordan, Despite Concerns
So Robby has this in the bag, right? Think again because Jordan straight-up swept JoJo off her feet. The ridiculously cute pair started their date hiking to a cave, and good news: Instead of being attacked by carnivorous bats, they found a random temple and attempted not to make out in it. Amazing, but let’s talk about what’s really important here: the overnight portion of this date.
Before entering a sea of blankets and decorative candles, JoJo and Jordan had a deeply awkward conversation about their future, and JoJo raised concerns about Jordan potentially peacing out on their relationship. His response? “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.” Her epic comeback? “That’s what Ben said.”
Guess JoJo’s not too worried, because she told cameras that she’s totally in love with Jordan, saying, “We have fun together, but we also have that passion and that chemistry. And I feel so happy.”
By the way, if you’re wondering whether or not these two consummated their love, here’s what Jordan had to say: “We took a big step last night in a really exciting direction.”
Chase Drops the L-Word, JoJo’s Like “LOL, Nope!”
Praying for Chase! You see, after a lovely day fondling dead fish and bonding with a long-suffering monkey, Chase and JoJo took a quick mid-afternoon break, and Robby decided to crash their proverbial party. This dude visited JoJo’s hotel room to declare his love, seemingly inspiring JoJo to reject the guy she was actually on a date with.
The thing is, JoJo didn’t tell Chase the bad news until after he declared his love. “When you said that to me, in my heart and in my gut, I don’t think I felt what I thought I was gonna feel,” JoJo said as Chase glared at her. “I don’t know if I’m in the same place as you. I don’t know if spending this night together would change that feeling, and I almost feel like it would be unfair.”
Chase seemed very, very annoyed with JoJo, and said, “I just threw myself out there. I just jumped over a hurdle I’ve never done before, and now I’m skewered. Now I’m shattered. I mean, what do you want me to say? You’ve 100 percent made me regret saying that. So now love equals, ‘Get the f–k out’?”
So basically, Chase pre-breakup: “We’re in this magical place with monkeys, salt water, fisherman and fish!” And Chase post-breakup: *drinks beer, rides away in a sketchy van.*
Chase Makes His Not-So-Triumphant Return
JoJo decided to go through the rose ceremony to show Robby and Jordan that love is a two-way street, but hark! Who should show up uninvited? That would be Chase, who pulled JoJo aside and apologized for his meltdown. “I’m proud of you, I’m impressed by you, I admire you, I think you’re amazing,” Chase told JoJo/The Bachelor producers.”And most of all, I want you to know I’m not mad at you.”
JoJo appreciated Chase’s apology, but she definitely seemed shaken. “The fact of the matter is I still have feelings for him,” she cried before pulling herself together and giving Robby and Jordan roses. “Why, why didn’t I fall in love with him? You know? When did falling in love become so hard?”
Now’s probably a good time to remind JoJo she’s in love with two other guys. So, like, maybe life isn’t that terrible after all?
Tell Us: Will JoJo pick Robby or Jordan?
The Bachelorette‘s “Men Tell All” special airs on ABC Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET.
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