Kim Kardashian shared a glimpse into her dynamic with ex-husband Kanye West in the new book Citizen Kim: The Woman Who Created the Future.
Kardashian, 46, and her inner circle were interviewed by journalist Jonathan Van Meter over the course of nearly 10 years from 2018 to 2026 for the in-depth biography, which hit shelves Tuesday, October 27.
Citizen Kim tracks Kardashian’s highs and lows from childhood to reality stardom, including her marriages to exes Damon Thomas, Kris Humphries and West, 49.
Kardashian and West, who share four children, were married from 2014 to 2022. Throughout their relationship, West battled with his mental health, initially receiving a bipolar diagnosis in 2016. Kardashian spoke openly with Van Meter about how she’s coped in the public eye.
“In big traumatic experiences, I feel like what I learned to do over and over was deal with it and move on, deal with it and move on,” she said. “Maybe dealing is not the right word. It’s more like sweeping it away, under the carpet. … And then you also feel so guilty. Or so bad, like, ‘I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And how do we make it better?’ And also kind of embarrassed, because certain things were said during psychotic breaks. Because certain things would happen, and I just wanted to protect him. I don’t want anyone to know about this.”
She added, “When it starts to get to the place where it affects your health and your safety and your mental health, then you’re kind of like, ‘OK, who am I going to save here?’ I gotta save myself. You get to that place.”
Scroll down for the biggest revelations about West from Citizen Kim:
How Kanye West Changed Her Look
Kardashian recalled being “fairly new into the relationship” when West wanted to give her “a fashion makeover.”
“I didn’t even know what that meant. But I was open: ‘Sure! Dress me up!'” she said. “A team of stylists came in. I was in my first house on Abington, and I thought I had the best shoes — I thought I had it all. He put me in this black Givenchy leather dress and a pair of Tom Ford snakeskin shoes and took me to a Lakers game. I came home and there were shoes piled up almost to the ceiling that had been taken out of my closet and I only had two pairs left — that Kanye’s team kept. I almost started to cry. ‘But I spent years collecting them!’ And then there were racks and racks of new clothes, designers I’d never heard of before, like Lanvin.”
Kardashian admitted she “didn’t know anything about high fashion” at the time. “There were all these fashion books piled up. It was time to get to work and learn,” she said, adding that West helped her gain “so much confidence.”
When She Met Kanye West’s Mom
Kardashian said she met West’s late mother, Donda, only once at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas.
“I didn’t meet her as his girlfriend — just someone who came to the event. She was so nice. She was everything to him. I’m pretty sure he’ll always be lost without her,” she said. “But I also think this is his path — he needs to go on this journey without her. But I do think everything would be different if she were still here.”
Donda was 58 when she died in November 2007, soon after the VMAs. The Los Angeles County coroner’s office later revealed she died of coronary artery disease and complications from cosmetic surgery.
About His Behavior Post-Divorce
“I really just want him to win, I want him to shine, and I don’t like it when he doesn’t look good,” Kardashian told Van Meter while reflecting on navigating her public split from the rapper and his bipolar disorder diagnosis. “I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be so public. I thought he was cooler than that. Like, what are you doing? And that makes me sad for him. Because I’m just like, ‘Come on, dude. Get it together.'”
Kardashian later pointed out that West’s behavior never became a concern when he was around the kids. “That was such a blessing. He would have a full episode, and the kids would never know because they would be almost a calming presence for him. So it was a fine balance of, like, ‘How do we keep them around? Or: Is it go-time?'” she said. “My whole household knows what a ‘lockdown’ means if I text it. Like, ‘We’re on lockdown.’ No TVs, just movies. No radio, just plug in a phone for music in the car. Not even, like, SiriusXM, because they talk about current events in real time. It’s like, ‘They don’t have to be a party to this.'”
Where They Stand as Coparents
“Oh, I worry about [Kanye] all day,” Kardashian admitted. “All the time. That’s the father of my kids, I’ll never not worry about him. And that’s a big burden of having kids with someone who you don’t necessarily get along with. My kids would never know that. I do everything in my power to forget about all the negative things that happened. I have to be realistic, and my therapist definitely tells me, ‘Your boundaries have to go up,’ but we manage to coparent without too much conflict.”
She continued, “It’s been pretty smooth for a while. I guess because we don’t talk that much. But when we see each other, we give each other a hug. I’m really close with his family. I welcome anyone. I tell them all, open-door policy. Anytime you’re in town, come for dinner with us, see the kids as much as you want, take them out, come over and hang out. That’s their family. So I encourage the relationship with their dad so much.”
Despite her “constant worrying,” Kardashian said, “He always seems to pick himself up … and out of something, but it does make me so sad. And I don’t think it’s going to get better. I pray it does. For my kids.”
How Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Communicate
Kardashian revealed she communicates with her ex-husband “through his wife,” Bianca Censori, or his manager.
The reality star admitted the dynamic comes with its challenges. “I’m always like, ‘Oh, Dad’s traveling,'” she said. “I still make up stories and protect [the kids] because I want them to think their dad is the greatest. But I invite him over all the time. ‘Do you want to come to dinner? I’ll leave the house. Come and have dinner with the kids in their house so that they can feel comfy. Sleep over for a few nights?’ Last Christmas, I said, ‘Sleep over on Christmas Eve. Bring your girlfriend.’ I’m easy! ‘Let’s all do Christmas together.’ And I’ll recommend it again this year. I will sweep everything under the rug, all the horrible things he has said about me, so that the kids can see their father.”
