Jumping the gun? Lauren Manzo and husband Vito Scalia had babies on the brain but weren’t sure whether it was really a good idea to start making magic happen under Caroline and Albert Manzo’s roof in Manzo’d With Children’s Sunday, September 18, episode.
Albie Mourns His 20s
Albie was turning 30, which in his summation meant the end of salvation. Turning 30 meant throwing in the towel. May as well sit on your plastic-covered couch with your TV dinner and a cup for your teeth.
Caroline worried about Albie because he, well, did nothing but worry. Things would be better, she assured him, if he just got married. That way he could worry about important things, like retirement accounts and college funds.
Vito Doesn’t Want to Move Out
Vito had become too comfortable in Caroline’s house. While he at first balked at the idea of living with his in-laws, he had come to embrace the idea of living down the hall from someone who paid the mortgage.
Even Vito’s mom was hopeful Albie would meet a woman. “Should I help you using FaceTime or Matchbook?” she asked. She also worried he had a type — a woman with enormous physical assets and little upstairs. Lauren’s husband encouraged Albie to look at a potential suitor’s feet. One should judge a woman based on the ability to maintain her nails. His younger brother, Christopher, thought Albie needed a woman with sizzle. He needed a woman who could work a room since he had basically little personality.
During archery lessons for his book research, Christopher agreed to a competition with Caroline: Who was more capable of finding Albie a potential wife?
Lauren and Vito Begin “Project Baby”
Lauren and Vito had come to the joint decision that despite living with her parents, they would pursue impregnation, even if they had yet to purchase their own home. “I will be the flyest dad,” Vito exclaimed. “You will be the dad who tells stupid jokes,” Lauren replied. “I want to be a dad, real quick,” said Vito before lifting the comforter over his head. (Lauren and Vito recently revealed that they are expecting their first child.)
Caroline Makes Soap
Christopher and Albie worried about Caroline. Her home had become covered in bath soap, which Christopher noted was more than enough to bathe all the children of the world. Albert reminded his sons she was creating soap and not illegal drugs. “At least crack makes more money,” said Christopher. “She is using baggies and powder,” he added. “She must be on a watch list.”
Baby Pressure
As Lauren set forth on Project Baby, she sent away for a box of fertility aids, including a thermometer, cervical mucus enhancement and sperm vitality pills. “I am worried about your mental health,” warned cousin Candice Laurita. Lauren revealed she intentionally withheld her procreation plans from her mother and mother in-law because she could not withstand the “pressure.”
Caroline and Denise Co-Conspired
In the feminine hygiene aisle of Foodtown, Caroline and Vito’s mother, Denise, discussed how much they worried about Albie’s weight, and how much the cost of baby food had skyrocketed. Perhaps if Albie worried less about aesthetics and Lauren just got pregnant, all would be right in the world?
Back at Christopher’s office in Hoboken, Albie scolded his mother for trying to find him a potential spouse in the produce section. “Your friend Denise ratted you out,” said Albie. He asked Caroline and Christopher to terminate their unending pursuit to find him a suitor. Instead he blamed them for his stalled efforts at finding a companion. Maybe if they didn’t involve themselves in his personal life, he wouldn’t be so lonely. “Don’t dump this on us,” they argued. They agreed Albie was a downer.
Tell Us: Was Lauren right to keep her baby plans a secret from Caroline and Denise?
Manzo’d With Children airs on Bravo Sundays at 9 p.m. ET.
