Cheers! The cast of Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules sat down for the third and final installment of the season 5 reunion on Monday, April 17, and let’s just say that the cocktail glasses were overflowing with drama.
The Boozy Bachelor
Host Andy Cohen wasted no time diving into the topic of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney’s booze-filled New Orleans conjoined bachelor and bachelorette celebrations. Schwartz admitted, “I was on the verge of blacking out for like 80 to 90 percent of the trip.” Yikes! When his wife, Katie Maloney, weighed in on the flashbacks of her now-husband’s tear-filled tirades against her, she commented that everyone felt so bad for him despite being friends with her, too.
She said sarcastically, “Poor Schwartz,” and then said about the reaction being blown out of proportion: “[It was] as if I had actually beaten and battered him.” Her comment referenced a flashback to the trip’s “drag night,” where an emotional and drunk Tom Sandoval cried out about his friend and husband-to-be, “Leave him the f–k alone — he’s a f–king battered wife.”
The conversation then turned to Tom Schwartz’s alleged hookup with “the Vegas girl.” Schwartz confessed in front of his wife and castmates about his infidelity, “The truth is, I don’t remember. … I can say with almost 100 percent confidence that we did not have sex.” The three most romantic words = “almost 100 percent.”
Lisa Vanderpump’s Cold Feet
The topic then moved to Lisa Vanderpump backing out of officiating Tom and Katie’s wedding. Lisa commented on their rocky relationship prior to the wedding, saying, “I knew things weren’t going that well. … But I felt like I couldn’t give it my blessing when it had potential for disaster.” Fortunately for the couple, Lisa ultimately did decide to officiate, and they received the Vanderpump send-off of their dreams.
On the topic of Tom and Katie’s wedding, the group commented about Katie’s calm demeanor on the big day and the days leading up. Katie revealed sheepishly, “The day of the rehearsal dinner, I ate some weed candy.” That’ll do it! Andy then pointed out one of our favorite moments in reality history: when Tom Sandoval cried and used a dog as a handkerchief. Sandoval shut the question down, chalking it up to “allergies.” Yup. Allergies. That totally explains why he had to use a dog to wipe his tears.
Tom Schwartz ended the topic of his beautiful nuptials by saying, “There was one moment where the DJ played four bad top 40 songs in a row, but besides that … it was the best day in my life.” Awww.
Mike Shay Makes a Dramatic Appearance
The most captivating and gut-wrenching part of the night had to be the arrival of Scheana Marie’s estranged husband, Mike Shay. Prior to his entrance, Andy asked Scheana if she even had his phone number anymore. She said, “No, because he wouldn’t pay his phone bill, so I had to cancel his line.” She then burst into tears and said, “I don’t wanna see him. I just want to keep being in my happy place in my life. … I’m too sober for this.”
Scheana Accuses Mike of Draining Their Bank Account to Buy Pills
Mike admitted he was living at his parents house and then accused Scheana of overreacting about how long he’d been “missing.” She rebutted, saying, “You lied to me, and then I found out you gave him 600 cash in exchange for 50 pills. … Are you gonna say that’s not true? You’re not denying that?” Mike hesitated and eventually half-heartedly denied the pill-buying allegations.
Mike defended himself to his former castmates and friends by saying, “She’s one way to you guys, and one way to me.” He then awkwardly quickly segued into plugging his new business venture: “We run out of the studio, we have seven artists with us, and we’re going on tour. … Next month.” OK.
Mike Confirms That He Texted Another Girl Behind Scheana’s Back
Mike jumped back into defending himself when he said of himself and Scheana, “We grew apart. … I quit drinking for a year, but you expected me to still go out.” Scheana then revealed that after only three months of marriage, she “found out about the pills.” She also claimed that she “caught him texting another girl,” calling it “devastating.” Mike defended his texts, saying, “I met this person. … Maybe the texts were inappropriate. … I mean, it was definitely a connection I didn’t have with [Scheana].” Tragically, Scheana revealed this textual affair was “right before our first anniversary.”
Scheana Admits to Hate From Brandi Glanville’s Fans
Mike then accused his estranged wife of “divorcing me on camera,” saying, “You told Lisa about pills on camera to cover your ass.” Scheana acknowledged making the slight. “Every Brandi [Glanville] follower would be like, ‘That’s your karma, that’s what you get,’” she said. “So I threw him under the bus.” She clarified her actions by saying, “You hurt me? I f–k you over.”
Mike Discovers Scheana’s New Boyfriend Is Someone He Knows
When the topic moved on to Scheana’s new beau, Mike said, “You having a new boyfriend, I think, is very quick.” When Mike revealed, “I don’t know who he is,” Scheana replied, “Well, you follow him on Instagram. … Rob.” It was clear at that moment that this was the first time Mike was learning of Scheana’s relationship with their mutual acquaintance Rob Valletta — brother of actress Amber Valletta. All Mike said was, “That’s the guy you’re dating? Hmm, interesting.” Mike admitted that he is not seeing anyone at the moment.
The reunion ended bittersweetly with Mike telling Scheana, “I’ll always love you … but at this point, I’m over our relationship. And coming here was something I had to do. It was a lot harder than I thought it’d be, but I had to do it.” Scheana warmly replied, “You’re in a happy place, and I’m in a very happy place as well, so I’m happy for you.”
Lisa rounded the troops for one last toast of the season, declaring, “I love each and every one of you, even though sometimes I don’t show it.”
Tell Us: What did you think of Scheana and Mike’s tear-filled reunion?
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