Chelsea Handler may not have any maternal instincts, but the 36-year-old comedienne has a soft spot for canines.
"This weekend I added a new member to my effed-up family, a 10-week-old Bernese mountain dog," she announced on Chelsea Lately Monday. "Then I added another member when I forced my assistant to move in with me because apparently I don't know how to raise a 10-week-old Bernese mountain dog."
"After much deliberation, I have settled on my new son's name: Gary," Handler added. "It's a fitting name: he's little and black like Gary Coleman, he has smelly fur like [comedian] Gary Valentine, and as I learned this weekend, he sh-ts on the floor like Gary Busey."
All kidding aside, the recently single author said she was excited about having another dog in the house.
"Between my brother Roy, my lesbian [friend], my dog Chunk and whatever depressed staff member passes out on my sofa over the weekend, you'd think I have my hands full," Handler joked. "Just like my ample breasts, I prefer more than a handful."