Lindsay Lohan just can't let her feud with Scarlett Johansson go. "What hurts me the most is that I work just as hard as any actress my age, like Scarlett Johansson, but I just don't get the opportunities that they get because people are so distracted by the mess I created in my life," Lohan tells Lauren Hutton in the February issue of Interview magazine. Johansson slammed Lohan in November for being "really vulgar" -- 2 1/2 years after Lohan famously scrawled dirty words words about the actress on a NYC bathroom stall. Lohan continues: "And the worst part is, in terms of what people see of me, I have become this girl who just loves to be photographed, doesn't know how to focus, doesn't know how to work on set, just loves the attention, knows how to go out at night, knows how to party. "And you know what? I was 20 years old. I never went to college," she says.
"And I lived maybe six months out of my life like that, doing something wrong, and then I stopped. God forbid I should have ever learned my lesson. But at this point it's so hard for people to even believe that there was a lesson to be learned at all, because they just think I'm wrong," she adds. The 22-year-old says Heath Ledger offered her a few words of advice before his January 2008 death from a prescription drug overdose. "I mean, it's this business. Heath Ledger once said something about this to me. He said: 'It's build you up to knock you down, and that's all it is. And you just have to see if you can stand through it.' And it is like that, if you put yourself in this situation. I was young, so maybe I did... I always wanted to take the blame. I've always been apologetic for other people's faults." Lohan -- who has already been to rehab three times and gotten two DUI's -- says she "didn't even try everything" during her wildest phase. "I was too afraid. The one thing I tried was the wrong thing. And maybe it was just because I'd seen someone else in my family do it -- not my mother. But, I don't know, it really... It sucks."
The actress thinks her actions would have been more acceptable if she were in a different field. "I feel like the modeling industry is a little bit more accepting of women who make mistakes. They appreciate the idea of icons. "I found that when I worked with Bert Stern on recreating the Marilyn Monroe shoot for New York magazine...When I was able to shoot with him and do that...Although I was also terrified to do it because, I mean, we're two very different people, and I was only 21. "But when I did that shoot, people didn't frown upon it. People were like, 'That's a bold thing to do.' People looked at that shoot more than they've looked at any film I've done in the past four or five years."
Lohan says she wouldn't change a thing about her life. "If I started wishing that I could have do-overs in life, then I would never have been able to really learn from my lessons. I'm not necessarily grateful for certain 'situations' in my life per se, but I am most definitely thankful that I have been able to learn from them," Lohan says. "Not to mention that I might not have had the chance to be with who I am with now if things didn't happen the way they did and when they did," she adds. Lohan was first spotted kissing Samantha Ronson at the Cannes Film Festival last May.
So what has she learned over the years? "Stability through happiness, and comfort amongst loved ones. To overcome the fear of what tomorrow might bring," she says. "And gratitude, because you have to appreciate life as it comes. It's important to be grateful for whatever it is that you have, because if you're not, you will find out that karma is a b--ch."