Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 3 Recap: Amber Marchese Stirs Up Drama With Twins, Milania Giudice Turns Up the Sass

Entertainment Jul. 27, 2014 AT 9:00PM
Real Housewives of New Jersey cast Real Housewives of New Jersey's Milania Giudice turns up the sass during a family photo shoot; plus, is Nicole Napolitano a home wrecker? Credit: Alex Martinez/Bravo

Dear Andy Cohen, we implore you to give Milania Giudice her own spinoff. Like, yesterday. During a photo shoot at her home to showcase her new Fabulicious Desserts, Teresa Giudice wants some snapshots with her kids. Milania, who's so hyper she behaves like she ate all the desserts, isn’t having it.

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"Pictures, pictures, pictures," she yells. When the photographer physically carries Milania and places her next to Teresa, she screams, "Get your dirty hands off of me!" She then steals the photographer's camera and declares, "You're a butthole. That's your new name." Ahh! A star is born.

Speaking of stars, remember when Kim Wayans played Benita Butrell on Fox's 90s sketch show In Living Color? She was the neighborhood busybody who trash-talked her friends, then added, "but I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me." 

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In a nutshell, that's Amber Marchese. En route to Teresa's house to taste the desserts, Amber complains to Melissa Gorga about the twins bringing too many guests to her Harvest Party. On a roll, she then tells Melissa that she "heard through the grapevine" that Nicole Napolitano and her ex-husband split up because she "broke up" a family. That's where she gets all Benita Butrell, declaring, "I don't want to be too much of a gossiper, but…" 

When Amber and Melissa arrive, Teresa decides to blindfold her sister-in-law and make her guess what she's eating. "Don't feed me poison," Melissa deadpans to her former rival. Moments later, Amber—who has met Teresa once prior—breaks down in sobs, telling her how sorry she is for her legal situation. Dina Manzo, also on hand for the tasting, is skeptical. "It always gets on my nerves when someone new comes along and tries to get all emotional about what she's going through," says Dina. "Is she acting?"

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She certainly has experience. At Casa Marchese, Amber and her family discuss the next commercial they'll film for Amber's husband's mortgage company. ("He's the presidency of a mortgage company," says Amber, giving Teresa a run for her money in the language-mangling department.) Cue this deliciously cheesy commercial.

Dina's medium James Van Praagh is equally entertaining: Dina hosts the psychic and Teresa at her house for a reading. Explains Dina, "He has a very comforting way of letting people know what to expect." Cut to James telling Teresa her husband will most likely serve time behind bars. Yes, how comforting! 

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On a shopping trip with the twins— Teresa Aprea and Nicole—Melissa decides to give them a heads up that their so-called friend Amber is trashing them. "She has a lot to say behind everyone's back," says Melissa, who reveals Amber claimed Nicole broke up a family. Cue the Best. Meltdown. Ever. The twins flee the store—wearing clothes they have not yet paid for—to drive to Amber's house to confront her.

When they arrive, they see through a window that the children are still awake, and they have a change of heart. "It's not the right time in front of the children," Nicole says. "But this isn't over."

Tell Us: Do you think Amber is a troublemaker?

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