Tyson never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever should have been invited to Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.
I'm not overreacting here. Think about it. Even though the Survivior: Tocantins alum has the physique of Big Bird and the narcissism of Chuck Bass, these traits do not a memorable villain make. A strategic blank slate, he barely made it to the jury the first time out while Coach and JT (understandably) hogged the camera time. And yet. When the Survivor brain trust masterminded the Villains team last summer, poor crazy Shane Powers of Survivor: Panama -- Exile Island inexplicably got left behind in L.A., while Tyson got to participate again.
...And get his own comeuppance. All Tyson had to do in the March 24 episode was listen to his ally Boston Rob -- only the smartest contestant in the game's 10-year history (I repeat it so many times cuz it's true) -- and he would have been spared the vote. Rob, who naturally won the individual immunity challenge, figured out a way for the villains to disperse the votes that would result in either Parvati or Russell's ouster. A win-win. Those two are lethal.
When Russell flushed out his hidden immunity idol and handed it over to Parvati, he seemed to seal his own door. Sucker! But Tyson foolishly switched alliances at the last moment, voted the wrong way and got snuffed.
I'll say this for Russell: he bugs me. I'll say this too: As the newbie of the cast (keep in mind: this season was filmed before Survivor: Samoa aired), I was sure he would be the first one gone. Yet I must give the guy some begrudging respect. He's a scrappy, squirrely (in a good way) and, at this point, could probably convince Sawyer that Juliet is still running her book club on the island. Wait, wrong show. Love the chess game going on between Russell and Rob -- whoever wins will surely deserve the title of greatest Survivor. No offense to Candice. Or Sandra. Or Amanda. Or Danielle. Or Danielle's two friends.
I don't even have the heart to give lengthy space to the Heroes tribe. Is there anything sadder than seeing one of the game's all-time greats bite in a challenge then spend the afternoon catching some rays in the ocean? Somewhere in Tennessee, Tina Wesson is watching with her hands covering her eyes. You know it's bad when James makes a spot-on metaphor -- Colby's pathetic game-playing is akin to Superman in a fat suit. In an episode that involved the pesky double-elimination, he actually deserved to follow Tyson to Samoa oblivion.
Yet the Heroes winded up voting off crippled James. The guy was put in a knee brace days ago and his team finally realized that, um, he can't run! Not to bust out a cliché, but the move was too little, too late. Say amen, Tom!
The good news: There's still time for Colby to step up. And doesn't even have to do it in a knee brace.
-- By Mara Reinstein for UsMagazine.com