If there's one thing to take away from this week's catty comment-filled episode of The Bachelor, it's that Sean Lowe -- tall, striking, all-American Shirtless Sean -- doesn't have a type.
Physically, that is.
The Texas native has, in fact, dated Hispanic women, Persian women and black women. He's not turned off by disabilities, ethnicity, or any other physical attributes. The only thing he asks, he says, is that his future wife be sweet -- and his best friend.
"I don't really have a criteria, it's more about the woman and the mind," he tells Robyn at the final cocktail party as she swoons and bats her lashes.
It's a diplomatic answer to a tough question, and admittedly earns the sexy single a few more brownie points on top of his already impressive list of positive qualities, but it seems like poor Sean's mind is getting a little hazy in all the hullabaloo based on some of his interactions this week.
Wiley leasing consultant Tierra and vacant fit model Amanda both emerge as this season's two-faced twosome, showing the rest of the gals a completely different side to them than they do to Sean. And the sexy single doesn’t seem to suspect a thing.
Even returning hopeful Kacie B. gets a bit of the villain edit this time around, her hearty laughter turning into sinister chuckling as she vies for the rose again.
Heavens to Betsy, what's going on with the women of the humble Bachelor abode?
It's a relief, then, to see Sarah, the demure advertising exec from Colorado, keep it together even under the tremendous pressures of her first one-on-one date with Sean.
"I wanna cry," she exclaims upon receiving the first date card of the season.
"Who I am on the inside is what's important. My ability to love someone is not affected by how many hands I have," she adds later during her confessional. Her ability to be spontaneous obviously hasn't been affected either, as it turns out that Sean has the most exhilarating first date ever in mind -- free-falling 300 feet off an L.A. skyscraper.
Because nothing says Bachelor romance quite like extreme heights, sweaty palms and a good ole-fashioned scream fest. A regular Romeo, that Sean.
Turns out it was a good move, however. Later that evening, Sarah opens up to Sean and thanks him for being so "strong" and understanding. She tells him about a time when she and her dad were turned away from ziplining in Vegas because of her condition, and Sean's eyes glisten ever so slightly. They end the night with a smooch and the remnants of an adrenaline rush from their scary 35-story fall. Cue twinkly city lights!
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the remaining ladies patiently await their crisp envelope-sealed fate. Ding-dong! Date card!
Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Lesley M., Daniella, Catherine, Robyn, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taryn, Kacie B. and Tierra are summoned to "capture the romance" with Sean. Whatever could this mean?
They find out the next day, pulling up to a sprawling estate complete with -- who else? -- Prince Charming Sean descending from the foyer, informing the women that they’re about to take part in a photo shoot for the famous Harlequin romance novels.
They'll split into four groups, portraying cowgirls, vampires, sexy (this is an actual category) and historical.
Kristy, a Ford model, can barely contain her excitement as she raves about how great she’ll do on the date.
"This is my element!" she exclaims to no one in particular.
"Homegirl's a little excited to do a photoshoot," yoga instructor Katie smirks.
But as it turns out, Kristy's enthusiasm pays off and the sultry model snags the prize -- to be on three real book covers for the Harlequin series -- though some of the other girls manage to steal a few smooches with Sean.
Lesley M., the no-nonsense political consultant, has undeniable chemistry with Sean as she tugs at his shirt during their western-themed shoot. No shrinking violets here!
Later that night at the cocktail party, Lesley attempts to continue their witty banter but fails to get a second kiss from Sean. It only takes watching a few more girls get some one-on-one chat time with Sean before she realizes she has to seize the moment -- and steals him away from Daniella to lay a "short and sweet" smooch on him.
"I just wanted to leave you with that," she says matter-of-factly as Sean grins.
She's not the only one looking to leave an impression, however. Kacie B. pulls Sean aside to calm her uncertainties about whether he's game for moving her from the friend zone to the girlfriend zone.
"I'm excited that you're here,” he says carefully. Kacie B. is thrilled.
Catherine tries to make a dirty joke that comes up a bit awkward: "I'm vegan but I love the beef."
Selma gushes over the way Sean says "my wife."
And Tierra, in typical fashion, straight-up tells Sean that she's "pursuing him for a reason." Sean seems to lap up the attention.
But quiet Katie isn’t quite diggin' the fake vibes at the Bachelor Chateau. She and her giant 80s hair finally work up the courage to talk to Sean and inform him that she's just not comfortable being there. Sean sighs, agrees, and walks her out, watching her disappear into the night.
After such a dramatic exit, Sean's ready for some more light-hearted fun. On his second one-on-one date, this time with sweet bridal stylist Desiree, the fun-loving bachelor decides to prank Desiree in a strange Punk'd-meets-Bachelor mash-up.
"I feel sorry for this poor girl. It feels a little messed up," he admits to host Chris Harrison, cracking up even as he says it.
Sean picks up an unsuspecting Desiree to go to an art exhibit where actors mill around and pretend to look at expensive pieces of art. At one point, a show producer pulls him away and she's left in a room by herself with a supposedly $1.5 million artwork. Naturally, it falls on the floor and shatters on its own.
Her reaction? A few nervous "didn't do it" chuckles before Sean rushes back out and reveals the trick. Desiree plays along (she's still on national TV, after all), and Sean makes up for his pranking ways with a home cooked meal. Not a bad trade-off at all!
The pair have some serious chemistry later that evening over steaks and large pieces of broccoli, and continue their good-looking googly-eye fest in the pool.
Naturally, Desiree gets a rose.
At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony the following night, tensions are running high. Lindsay of the wedding gown fame manages to make a better second impression on Sean, and zany Amanda -- who had been pouting on the couch by herself -- comes to life when Sean requests the pleasure of her company.
"I just don't get that girl," Daniella mumbles.
But Sean, apparently, does. At the rose ceremony, the bachelor ticks off one name after another, with Amanda getting the last rose of the evening.
Also safe through next week are Sarah, Desiree, Kacie B., AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley M., Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie H., Tierra, Taryn and Daniella.
Brooke and Diana get the boot, but not without a few tearful words.
"You don't have a lot of free time when you're a single mom," Diana laments to the cameras outside the mansion. "I think Sean was great and I was willing to stay and get to know him but it just wasn't enough. It's a lot to take in."
Not as much to take in as next week, if the previews are to be believed: Skipping through waves, cat fights and ambulances. Just another week at Casa de Bachelor.