The Bachelor alum Britt Nilsson is opening up about her struggles with alcoholism and eating disorders.
Among her honest admissions, Nilsson, who competed on Chris Soules’ season 19 of the ABC series in 2015, revealed in a YouTube video on July 12 that she struggled to conceal her battle with bulimia while on the show. “For me, having tons of food everywhere… it just became too much,” she said. “I had pain and anxiety, I felt insecure, I didn’t feel pretty enough, I didn’t know what was going on, I missed my family.”
Nilsson continued to explain that she feared millions of viewers would learn her secret as she was wearing a mic 24 hours per day. “I was totally terrified that it was going to be caught on a mic and that millions of people were going to know that I just couldn’t control myself,” she said. “It was really, really hard for me, and it just kept going and going.”
The California native, who is currently engaged to Jeremy Byrne, went through great lengths to hide her disorder from castmates and viewers. “I would take my mic off and try to hide it under towels so they wouldn’t hear me throw up, because then that was going to be on the show and that was going to be a plot line. How horrible would that be, to be the girl who has an eating disorder, who can’t stop eating and throwing up?” she said. “I mean, I had broken blood vessels. I would throw up until I was bleeding out of my nose. I just couldn’t stop, and that’s kind of been a theme in my life.”
Nilsson also revealed that she hasn’t consumed alcohol within the last year. “I’m an alcoholic,” she said. “Meaning not that I was drinking a bottle of wine by myself in the bathtub, or waking up and taking shots, but my personality, for better or worse, is a personality where little is good, all is best, and more, more, more.”
She added: “That’s just something that I’ve had to navigate throughout my entire life. Alcohol has been part of my life off and on, but whenever it is a part of my life I try to control it and I can’t.”
Following her time on the series, Nilsson went on to compete for the position of the season 11 Bachelorette, although the spot ultimately went to Kaitlyn Bristowe. The former waitress revealed her engagement to Byrne in May with a series of Instagram photos.
“WE ARE ENGAGED!!!! I’m over the moon!!! The man of my dreams and the most godly, amazing, fun, life-giving, silly, intelligent, wonderful best friend I could ever ask for is my future husband!!!!” Nilsson captioned a pic of the pair. “I have been dreaming of this day forever!! Thank You Jesus!!! Wooo hooooo!!!!! I had no idea it was coming and it was the best day of my life! I love you forever Jeremy Byrne!!!”