Dean McDermott may be exiting his wife’s reality TV show, but that hasn’t stopped him from being an open book. The troubled father of four spoke to Access Hollywood on Wednesday, Nov. 5, about his decision to exit Tori Spelling’s Lifetime series True Tori after almost two seasons of raw, emotional, on-camera therapy.
“We have five more shows left. I can’t do this anymore,” the Chopped Canada host, 47, told Access Hollywood. “I can’t keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world. I don’t watch it. I can’t. It’s really difficult. I can’t do it anymore, for my soul.”
McDermott and Spelling, 41, started shooting the show shortly after Us Weekly broke the news in December 2013 that he had been having a one night stand with a woman named Emily Goodhand.
While on the show, the couple has been working on their marriage as McDermott struggles with depression and substance abuse.
“The fact that I cheated on my wife, I wish never happened,” he admitted. “I wish my alcohol and drug use hadn’t gotten out of control. I still love her to death and that’s why we’re still together.”
And though he’s dedicated to fixing his marriage, his affair and the painful aftermath took McDermott to a bad place.
“I almost lost everything, everything that means anything to me,” he said. “I don’t want to ever do that again. I don’t ever want to be in that dark place again where I wanted to take my life.”
McDermott even admitted to having suicidal thoughts one night, taking the steps necessary to end his own life.
“I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9 mm. I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward,” he continued. “[My son] Liam had a performance and I didn’t want to miss that performance… I had plans that night to do it.”
Since then, he has adjusted his medicine and is working on staying sober for his family. He believes his marriage to Spelling will survive.
“I hold out a lot of hope,” he said. “If you don’t have hope what do you have? I love this woman, regardless of what I’ve done. I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her at this moment she feels the exact same way.”
In addition to the cheating, the couple has fallen on hard times financially. And though Spelling sees her mother Candy (her producer father Aaron Spelling died in 2006) about “eight times a year,” says McDermott, “There’s no financial help,” from the Spellings’ estate. Find out more about Dean and Tori’s recent troubles.
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