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Husband Makes Spreadsheet of Wife’s Excuses Not to Have Sex; Document Goes Viral

Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd in This Is 40
A husband made a spreadsheet listing his wife's excuses not to have sex -- and it went viral! "According to his 'document,' we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 'attempts' on his part," the wife says. 

Well that’s one way to keep track! A Reddit user’s relationship post has gone viral after she revealed her husband kept track of their sexual habits (or lack thereof)—via spreadsheet. “My husband [M26] sent me [F26] an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip,” wrote the user, throwwwwaway29. “Now he has cut contact.”

Deadspin published the wife’s full story, which has since been locked on Reddit. “Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone,” the wife recalled in her post. “He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.”

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But wait, the situation got worse. “Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my ‘excuses,’ using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment,” she shared with users. “According to his ‘document,’ we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 ‘attempts’ on his part.”

The disgruntled husband created a three-column spreadsheet of the 27 instances he tried to initiate sex with his wife from June 3 to July 16. In Column A, he listed the date. In Column B, he added whether or not the two had sex, while Column C included the wife’s “Excuse” for refusing his sexual advances.

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“‘I just came back from the gym, I feel gross,'” he wrote of his wife’s excuse on the 19th, while noting: “Didn’t shower until next morning.”

In another instance from June 3, the wife apparently begged off because she was watching an old episode of Friends: “‘I’m watching the show,'” he typed under the Excuse column. Ten days later on June 13, she alleged, “‘I’m trying to watch the movie,'” albeit, he added in parentheses: “Fell asleep 15min later.”

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The three instances the couple had sex, the husband left Column C clear. There were no consecutive days of loving, though, as her replies to his advances the following evenings included: “‘I’m still a bit tender from yesterday'” and a straight-up “‘No.'” Six out of those 27 attempts, the wife, according to her husband were “(non-verbal).”

husband's spreadsheet

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The wife’s post warranted hundreds of comments, including users who felt her pain — as well as others who sided with the husband. “The email is that of a man who is equally desperate and angry,” wrote one Reddit commenter, Banelingz. “A man who encountered so much unaknowledged rejections that he needs to count them. Let’s put it this way, he started documenting sex attempts 7 weeks ago. When do you think the sex actually ‘tapered off’? I’m guessing several months before that. I really don’t believe [this] was as out of the blue as OP would like us [to] believe.”

Another optimistic reader pleaded with the wife to work things out with her man. “Tell him you love him, things have been crazy with all of the stuff going on, but you will work it out,” depb66 responded on the thread. “And for your sake, even though you guys have a lot of stuff going on, you have to enjoy life… Watch TV, have sex, snuggle. Married life gets busy. When my kids were little my grandmother told me that housework will always wait for you. I always spent evenings with my kids making dinner, giving them a bath, reading to them etc. Your evenings together are as important as anything else in life, maybe more so. Cut yourself some slack, and him too. Hope it works out.”

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