NASCAR legend Kyle Busch’s widow, Samantha Busch, is still figuring out her new normal following her husband’s shocking and sudden death.
“There is so much I want to share about what losing Kyle has really been like. Not just the sadness but the physical pain that grief causes,” Samantha, 40, wrote via Instagram on Friday, July 24, referring to Kyle’s death earlier this spring. “The trauma. The disbelief that still hits me every morning I wake up. The way my heart and mind can’t fully accept that this is our reality.”
News broke in May that Kyle died at age 41 after he was found unresponsive in a racing simulator. (Kyle’s cause of death was later revealed as pneumonia that progressed into sepsis.)
The pro racer is survived by Samantha and their two children, who have since been candid about grieving Kyle’s loss.
“I’ve always been an open book. Sharing the hard parts of my life has always been important to me,” Samantha wrote on Friday of being open with her social media followers. “It’s been how I’ve processed, healed and connected with people walking similar roads. From infertility, hair loss [and] marriage, I’ve shared because I never wanted someone else to feel alone in what they were facing. This feels so different.”
She continued, “Every time I start to write, I stop. I worry people will think it’s too dark. Too much. That I’m grieving the wrong way. That I should be farther along. That I should keep these thoughts to myself, but the truth is staying quiet hasn’t felt like me either and posting just the pretty healing moments feels fake because it doesn’t capture how truly brutal grief is on every level.”
Samantha further noted that she does miss “showing up as [her] authentic self” online, though it is admittedly difficult to do in the wake of her husband’s death.
“This is my life now. It’s heartbreaking, messy, confusing and incredibly lonely,” she said. “I don’t know exactly what sharing this chapter will look like yet. I just know that pretending I’m OK isn’t honest.”
Less than one week earlier, Samantha publicly celebrated her 11-year-old son Brexton’s first racing victory since Kyle’s death.
“This is his first win since Kyle’s passing. There was a lot of emotions to say the very least,” Samantha wrote via her Instagram Stories earlier this month. “Beyond proud of him not just for winning but all that he’s navigating at a young age, beyond shattered Kyle isn’t here to be a part of this, beyond grateful for all the support and amazing people we have around us.”
