Nothing compares to the loneliness Sinead O'Connor feels.
The 44-year-old "Nothing Compares 2 U" singer — who shocked fans with her radical new appearance in August — recently penned a blog entry entitled "Is Sinead About to Hump Her Truck?" on her official website, detailing her struggle to find a partner in the bedroom.
"I recently read of a woman in America who married and regularly humps her truck. I don't yet own a truck but I'm beginning to understand her head space," O'Connor wrote. "And I am worried I too may be so desperate for sex that within days I might run up the road and hump Bray Cab's whole fleet in one hour."
The Irish singer adds that her situation "is so dire" that she needs to "take drastic action" before it's too late. "What I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me because they like my (legendary) arse," she wrote. "Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun, and it's very depressing."
To help land a man, O'Connor toyed with the idea of joining an Irish dating site because she is "in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man."
What qualities does O'Connor look for in a man? "He must be no younger than 44, must not be named Brian or Nigel, must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous, has to be employed and he has to like his mother" — among various other requirements.
Suitors can apply through O'Connor's secretary at firstname.lastname@example.org.