Not for the clothes minded! Quirky Brit Juliet and former Marine Sean touched down in paradise on Thursday’s episode of VH1’s Dating Naked. Ready to test the rocky waters of love, they stripped down to their birthday suits and dove on in. Let’s recap!
Sean makes it clear he wants a smart girl. Listen, he’s “been on some dummy dates and met some dummy girls,” but it’s more than just looks for him. He doesn’t want to be “semi-pleased.” If this were The Bachelor, he’d be the contestant that’s not here to make friends.
As Juliet walks up to meet him on the beach for their date, she lets the camera in on her strategy: “I’m gonna hold my stomach in and strut a bit.” Though she does get a peek at his “smaller size” package, the professional dancer tells Sean she’s going to be respectful and look him in the eye. Whatta lady!
The bare-bummed duo get things rolling quickly…and literally. They race through an obstacle course in giant hamster balls, a common first-date tradition. When Juliet comes out with the win, Sean’s ego kicks in, and he starts pushing her around the beach like “a helpless hamster,” he says, sadistically laughing. This, of course, leads her to shout, “Oh, you wanker!”
Unfortunately for these kids, the sparks just don’t seem to fly. Juliet can’t get a word in edgewise as Sean gives her a less-than-arousing back massage. When given the opportunity to hang out at the jungle villa later that night, the two choose to hit up their separate rooms instead. “I’ve dated hotter girls,” I’m-not-in-this-for-looks Sean admits. “I’ll put it that way.” End scene.
What’s more awkward than dating naked? Oh, right, dating naked with someone you know! Yep, to Juliet’s shock, she’s familiar with her second date. “I’ve actually worked with Cole before on a job,” she admits. “Obviously, I don’t know him this well.” Thankfully, he seems like a keeper. “I’m hideously unreliable and a car crash of a human being,” Cole, another Brit, explains. Well, sign us up!
After the necessary “Do I know you?” exchange, the two head out on a canoeing trip that Cole compares to “escaping sex prison.” They paddle up to a trampoline in the middle of the ocean, and Prince Charming, er, Cole, admits this probably isn’t the most attractive activity to do naked. “My c–k’s going to flop around like a jackhammer.” Though his raunchy humor has Juliet hysterically laughing, she wants to see a deeper side of him. Later, with a drink in hand, he opens up about his divorce and how he misses his daughter, who’s back in the U.K. and presumably praying the show does not get picked up there.
Sean, on the other hand, doesn’t care to look past his second date’s boobs. When he has trouble pedaling her through the jungle on a pedicab, he tells her, “There’s too much weight in the front.” (Pro tip: Never tell a girl there’s too much weight. Anywhere. Ever.) When they arrive at their beach picnic, he admits he’s single because he’s “choosy,” adding, “Pretty girls are a dime a dozen.”
His date, Lovie, seems to be turned off by the fact that Sean’s only had just one one-night-stand. “Sex is a big part of the relationship for me,” she says. “It’s not cliché that my name is Lovie. I love to love.” So deep, girl.
That night at the villa, Lovie throws herself at Sean. Much to her dismay, however, he’s just not taking the bait. But you have to give the man props. There was a naked girl in his bed, massaging his sunburn with aloe, and he didn’t budge. Quips Lovie, “If Sean’s not attracted to me, to the left, to the left.”
As for the British lovebirds, well, things take a turn for the worse. A drunken Cole isn’t proving to Juliet that he can be serious. He starts with a great, “Seeing you ignited my heart,” but quickly segues into “You’ve got great tits.” When he finally tries to pop a pimple on her cheek, Juliet officially calls it a (disappointing) night.
There’s always door No. 3! Sean can barely contain his excitement when Jacqueline walks onto the beach. “She has an awesome body. Perfect shape. Awesome chest,” he gushes. But again, he’s here for personality: “Pretty girls are a dime a dozen.” Hm, sounds familiar. Jackie, however, isn’t too impressed with what she sees. “He has a full head of hair,” she says during her confessional. “He has brown hair.” Hey, if it fits the criteria…
The disrobed daters grab their Super Soakers, and the ever-wise Sean gives viewers some helpful advice on seducing the opposite sex. “Sometimes you have to push the limits when you flirt with women,” he says, as the cameras switch to him shooting poor Jackie in the face with salt water. “They like that stuff.” Again, Jackie just isn’t eye-to-eye with him, especially when he sprays her butt at full blast. “That was a d–k move,” she sneers. Sean calls a truce and then proceeds to pour his drink on her. Ah, chivalry.
Before they wrap up their date, Jackie, clearly relaxed prancing around fully exposed, confesses that she “may or may not have posed nude for Playboy.” At that, Sean’s face lights up. (Friendly reminder: he’s not here for looks!) “Yeah, she’s my type,” he says. However, he’s not hers. By the end, Jackie looks as if she’s spent her day watching paint dry.
For Juliet, lucky number three proves to be a success. Sprawled out on an ATV, she’s blown away by Patrick from the moment he walks up to her. “Wow, he’s attractive,” she squeals. “I feel my heart start beating a little faster than usual.” On a path of self-exploration, Patrick doesn’t want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons, but he admits he’s feeling an energy between them — he’s big on expressing energy.
Four-wheeling through the jungle mud turns them both on like crazy. Eventually, they cruise up to an infinity pool, where they start making out almost immediately. Swoons Juliet, “I felt as though I was on cloud nine.” But happiness is fleeting on the island.
At their last villa pool party, Cole apologizes to Juliet for his animal behavior the night before and hands over a sad, single flower. And his honesty doesn’t go unnoticed. While Juliet quickly chats with him, Patrick pulls Lovie over to the side for a more intimate conversation. “You have good energy,” he tells Sean’s date. “It’s not every day you meet beautiful people in a beautiful place.” A confident Juliet doesn’t sweat over it. But when she asks Patrick for some alone time, he shuts her down, then cuddles up to Lovie right in front of her. The huge slap in the face has Juliet running off back to her room.
But, wait! Before Juliet can get there, her Romeo steps in. “Hold your horses, sister!” Cole says as he chases after her. He sits a crying Juliet down and comforts her. “Don’t forget you have the power,” he says. “If I was in your shoes, I would be upset too.” His understanding and sweetness has her considering giving him another chance at l-o-v-e.
The next day, Patrick tries to explain himself to Juliet, but she isn’t having it. He doesn’t get that he completely disrespected her, but he does wish her a good day and good energy before they head to the selection ceremony.
No surprise, Sean picks his hottest match, asking Jackie if she would like to continue seeing him. In a nice twist, however, she rejects him. “You were kind of an ass to me on our date,” she says. Sean’s not down in the dumps because — what’s that, Sean? Oh, right, “I’ve dated girls prettier than her.” Duh. But he is pissed. In his confessional, he scoffs: “I’m kind of shocked that Jackie didn’t pick me back. Did you take your medication this morning?”
Meanwhile, a crying Juliet explains that her “emotions have just been everywhere.” After a painfully long, dramatic pause, she chooses Cole because he was there for her when she needed it. And her decision is the right one: Once they return home from the island, they find that friends can definitely be lovers.
The lesson learned, in the words of host Amy Paffrath: “Give the court jester a chance to be your king.”
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