‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ Recap: Kourtney Kardashian Reacts to Scott Disick’s Suicide Threat

Who wants to be a millionaire? Kim Kardashian made a cool $1 million bet with her mom, Kris Jenner, during the Sunday, January 24, episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, while Kourtney Kardashian dealt with Scott Disick's downward spiral. You know, not quite as important as Kim's bet over some lost pieces of marble slab, but almost.

Also, Kourtney uttered the sentence, "I'm gonna get guacamole up your vagina" during a food fight. So that happened.

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Apparently, Kris "Marble Thief" Jenner stole mass amounts of luxury slabs from Kim, which sent Kim into a rage. "I had to change Kanye's whole bathroom," Kim complained to her mom. "I have Calcutta Gold, it's only from Italy." Hear that Kris? Calcutta Gold. Ugh.

Naturally, the mother-daughter duo settled this very important problem with a casual million-dollar bet, because that is a completely reasonable amount of money to spend on an argument about marble, right? No word on who won, but stay tuned.

In Which Kris Jenner Has a Grandma Fail

Kris is nothing if not a dedicated momager, but her daughters were max-annoyed when she failed to show up to a communications meeting. Their payback plan? To put Kris through a series of grueling intelligence tests, like, "What is North's middle name?" Even the most internetphobic among us knows that North West doesn't have a middle name, but Kris offered up "South" and got a pie in the face as punishment. Fair, to be honest.

Scott Is Still Riding That Downward Spiral

Are Kourtney and Scott ready to reunite? Not so much, hopeful shippers. The single mom got an update from Kris and Kim about her ex-boyfriend's worrying phone call, and she managed to keep her cool.

"They say you always should call 911," Kourtney said after hearing the news. "Just call the police because either you save someone's life, or he's bluffing."

Kourtney did voice concern when Kim said, "I got a text last night … they said he was drunk," but ultimately brushed the news aside. "I just need to, like, live," she told the camera. "I'm also not just making decisions for me, but for my three children. It's really about him deciding what kind of life he wants to live."

Khloé Loses Her Cool

Khloé is over it! The youngest Kardashian sister said she was "beyond livid" with her mom for overbooking her schedule, calling Kris a "f–king liar" during an argument about event cancellations.

Kris agreed with Khloé, but when she tried to suggest that her daughter get a bite to eat, Khloé snapped, "What the f–k is your obsession with food?" Um, is that rhetorical? Because food is the best.

Kim Goes Gone Girl

Remember when Rob Kardashian posted an Instagram photo of Rosamund Pike and captioned it, “This is my sister Kim, the b—h from Gone Girl.” Yeah, Kim wasn't thrilled. The entrepreneur complained when her brother shared a flattering Instagram of Khloé, saying, "I get the girl from Gone Girl and you just get purple hair."

Khloé's hilarious response? "I love when Rob calls you the girl from Gone Girl." Well, at least someone has a sense of humor about this whole thing.

Tell Us: Should Kourtney take a more active role in Scott's recovery, or live and let live?

Keeping Up With the Kardashians airs on E! on Sundays at 9 p.m. EST.

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