‘Million Dollar Matchmaker’ Recap: ‘Teen Mom OG’ Star Farrah Abraham Breaks Down After ‘Golden Cooch’ Jab

Your prayers have been answered! That is, we’re assuming your prayers were for Farrah Abraham to appear on Million Dollar Matchmaker! The infamous Teen Mom OG star (whose fame skyrocketed with the release of her sex tape, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom) enlisted the help of third-generation matchmaker Patti Stanger for help finding a man. The results? Drama, mostly. In the words of Patti herself, “Farrah is a very special case,” and not just because of her “golden cooch.” 

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Getting to Know Farrah

In the event that you don’t watch Teen Mom OG, Farrah was a small-town girl living in a lonely world, when she unexpectedly got pregnant at 16 and ended up on MTV. Flash-forward a few years, and grown-up Farrah starred in a “sex tape” with porn star James Deen — which naturally led to a line of vaginal molds based on her own lady parts. This fact in particular seemed of key interest to Patti, who mused, “What has she got, a golden cooch?” #poetry

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The thing is, Farrah’s also Christian (in the words of Patti, she’s “going to church and making vaginas”), so finding her a perfect match is somewhat of a challenge. 

Farrah’s Love Lesson

Patti kicked off Farrah’s love journey by sending her on a blind date with some random named Aaron, and get this: The notorious matchmaker secretly filmed it, so she could rip Farrah apart later. But, like, in a nice way! 

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Basically, Aaron and Farrah were in the middle of having a lovely conversation about Farrah’s career (to quote: “I do different things, whether it’s adult novelty toys, or a children’s boutique, or a restaurant”) when Patti delivered a secret envelope for Aaron’s eyes only, which caused Farrah to fly into a grumpy pout. Lesson learned? She cares too much about what people think of her. Or something.

Farrah Abraham
Farrah Abraham on ‘Million Dollar Matchmaker.’

Patti Real-Talks Farrah

Apparently, Patti wasn’t thrilled by Farrah’s participation in the sex industry because she mused, “How does a man see you, if he sees all that? What guy’s gonna take you seriously? You’re doing a webcam series. Why are we selling vaginas online, and why are we doing webcams?”

Ahhh, life’s eternal questions. 

Patti seemed concerned that men would take advantage of Farrah in the sex industry and view her as a “f–king whore,” and told her she was crying for help. Which turns out might be true because Farrah actually started crying during this conversation. But the good news is she seems ready to move on to a new chapter in her life. Blessed!

Meet Farrah’s New Boyfriend

Apparently, Farrah has a crush on Gemini (the rapper), and Patti took this into account while finding her a boyfriend. Which brings us to Ryan, a sweet Southern gent who won Farrah’s heart after impressing her during a baking date. Note: Farrah had an additional date with a winner named Derrell, who actually ended up being a loser due to the fact that he, well, lost. 

Anyway, thanks to Farrah following Patti’s rules (read: she didn’t talk about vaginal molds), Ryan ended up falling for her as well, and he told Patti that “she’s beautiful, obviously, and it’s beyond external.” Yay! Love is real! 

Tell Us: Are Ryan and Farrah still dating, or did they literally never see each other again after filming wrapped up?

Million Dollar Matchmaker airs on WE tv Fridays at 10 p.m. ET. 

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