Sherlock Holmes? More like Sherlock Fraser! (You’re welcome for that super intelligent joke.) Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan) got his sleuth on during the Saturday, April 23, episode of Starz’s Outlander, using his Scottish smarts to decode important letters about the Jacobite rebellion. Meanwhile, Claire Fraser (Caitriona Balfe) pulled a Maria von Trapp and made friends with a bunch of nuns, along with discovering something truly terrifying about the fate of her OG husband, Frank Randall (Tobias Menzies).
The Sound of Music
You’d think being in Paris would put Claire and Jamie in the mood to make 18th-century love, but not so much. These two hit the snooze button on their sex life thanks to Jamie’s PTSD, and it took a toll on their marriage. Not only was Claire bored out of her mind, Jamie literally spent all his time at the local brothel for “work.” (OK, whatever you say, buddy.)
The good news? Claire started volunteering at a local charity hospital, where she made friends with a grumpy nun named Mother Hildegarde (Frances de la Tour), who we expect to bust out with “The hills are alive” at any second. Oh, and bonus: Mother Hildegarde has a scrappy dog, who also happens to be a doctor. As in, he is able to diagnose people by sitting on them and barking. #Normal
Of course, at first Mother Hildegarde is all “who art thou, English plebeian” when she meets Claire (note: not actual quote), but she softens up when Claire casually tastes a patient’s urine and diagnoses diabetes. Nothing sexier than a woman who drinks pee, right?
Stacks on Stacks on Stacks
So, what does Jamie get up to while Claire tastes urine and bonds with a magical dog? He’s busy asking the French Minister of Finance, Joseph Duverney (Marc Duret), to convince the king that funding the Jacobite rebellion is a risky investment because he doesn’t have enough start-up capital from other backers. The minister totally buys it, and agrees to meet with Prince Charles (Andrew Gower) at — where else? — the local brothel! The problem? Charles announces he has #HellaBackers and claims he’ll promise France an alliance with England if they play ball. Whoops.
Naturally, this news causes Jamie to fly into a tizzy, and to make matters worse, he’s having an emotional breakdown thanks to the wooden snake he carries in his fanny pack going missing. Look, we know it sounds like NBD, but he loved that wooden snake, OK? It’s just, like, where is Jamie’s wooden snake?!
Anyway, Jamie comes home to chat with Claire about his snake/Jacobite-related feelings, and is furious to find out that she’s been tasting urine. They get into a fight, definitely don’t have makeup sex and it’s just like, sigh, can’t we all get along?
Back to the Future?
Three pieces of good news: 1. Jamie’s buddy is hooking up with Claire’s maid, so at least someone on this show is having sex. 2. Claire gets them birth control after a visit to her apothecary friend (though she’s upset to see him hanging with her archnemesis, the Comte (Stanley Weber). And 3. Jamie comes up with a “cunning plan.”
Said plan basically consists of Jamie hiring some random child/thief to steal Charles’ correspondence in the hopes of finding out whether or not he’s lying about having investors. Turns out Jamie’s a total genius because before long, he comes across a piece of sheet music by Sebastian Bach (Madame Hildegarde’s bestie, FYI), which is secretly a coded letter from the Duke of Sandringham (Simon Callow).
Yes! But wait — actually, no! Lest you forget, the duke’s secretary is none other than Jack Randall’s brother, and if Jamie meets him face-to-face, he could learn that Jack is still alive. So does Claire tell him the truth? Nope, not so much — but mostly because she also comes to the realization that Jack is historically destined to marry her young friend, Mary Hawkins (Rosie Day). If these two don’t get jiggy with it, her first husband, Frank, will never exist.
Tell Us: Will Claire come clean to Jamie?
Outlander airs on Starz Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET.
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